The Holy Grail

A vision received 7th February 2008:

I am in the desert, travelling. I have a staff and a bundle of clothes. I come to a place where a man sits by a fire. His face is partially covered by his headscarf so I cannot see his face fully. He has a beard. He welcomes me to the fire and asks: "Have you travelled far?"

"Yes, I have come a long way. I am looking for my Father."

He offers me a drink.

"Is this the living water?" 

"Yes it is."

He says he knows my Father. I ask, "Are you my Father?"

And I know then somehow that He is Jesus.

Immediately after I notice a small piece of meat roasting on a stick over the fire. In my mind I think that it is not enough for us to share. Without a word He answers me in my thoughts and says, "like the fishes and loaves, I am able to see that it will multiply to feed us both sufficiently".

 

We travel together the next day. He says: "Two is better than one." He says He will grant me a safe passage. He is so good, I am happy.

As we travel, the dunes give way to the sea and at the beach is a ship with the sails up. People are busy on it, working, loading, cleaning, they do not see us. They are a people looking for treasure. Jesus says, "These people search for the Holy Grail. The Holy Grail is My love. You have it. They have it. But they cannot see it."

We travel further and we stop at a place that looks like a dock. The buildings are all painted black. There is a butter factory here. Jesus shows me how the butter is made from the cream of the very best milk. The cream is rich and full. The people making the butter think it is the best butter that one could ever have because it is made from the very best cream. Jesus says:"Unless they taste Me, they will not taste anything good."

 

We travel on to a city. The buildings are so high they almost reach the sky with thousands of windows for thousands of offices. The buildings dwarf us and the spaces between them are so narrow our shoulders cannot fit through to walk between them. I am reminded of the scripture, you cannot serve two masters: you cannot serve both money and God. Then Jesus says: "All the money in the world will go back to dust, from where it came, then it will be blown away by the wind, how then will the people measure their worth?"

 

We travel further and come to a bay. Here a man is sitting at the shoreline. The water ebbs and flows so gently, it is almost still. The man is sitting there on a chair with his fishing rod. There is a wooden house in the background. Jesus shows me that this man teaches boys how to fish. The boys wander down to the beach sometimes because they are sad. They want to sulk, kick things and maybe look out at the water. The man waits there, ready to talk to them and teach them how to fish. I ask Jesus: "Why do you need someone to teach you how to fish, surely it is easy to learn how to fish?" In my heart I already know the answer but Jesus replies, "If no one teaches them how to do it, they will never learn the proper way."

After the man teaches the boys how to fish, he then he tells them about Jesus. If you give a man a fish he eats for a day, if you teach a man how to fish he eats for a lifetime.

Called TO LOVE

There are some friendships of an eternal quality, from the moment they are birthed in the earth realm they usher in a heavenly dimension of love into your life that you can't get anywhere else. I have the privilege of having such a friendship with Andi. We met through an intercession group where we lifted up incense to God for each other. I was living in Austria at the time and she was in South Africa. So as Holy Spirit began to reveal things in the spirit to me for others whom I had never met, I started a journey of discovering the mystery and power of intercession. But I also discovered I could develop a love for the one I was interceding for through seeing them as God sees them and then pulling down into the earth realm whatever He desired for them. Andi reciprocated in the most surprising way, she did the same for me. So our friendship, rooted in the presence of the Father, has always had a prophetic edge that excites and exhorts us into fresh hope and perpetual revelation. What a gift.

This isn't unique. Jesus makes intercession for us too. He has such a great love for the ones He intercedes for. As He does, so do we and we can therefore love people we've never encountered from our seat in Him in heavenly places: our God-given influence and power to usher the Kingdom into the earth is truly without boundary.

And he that searches the hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:27

On July 5th 2010 Andi prophesied to me and part of what she said was this, "...you know when a kid goes for swimming lessons and the teacher/parent keeps stepping back every time the kid gets to them to stretch them, I see the same moral in a big willow tree that stands alone and I see how it has to push very hard to break deep into the soil to reach the under water streams. It has a thick trunk and will stand through any storm! Then I hear the scripture of the earth groaning waiting for the sons of glory to be revealed...and I see you veiled. Remember that a time will come when God will use you powerfully, keep on anticipating it (even if you feel more like groaning!). I also see healing in your hands as you minister to young children and women, broken and poor people...don't know if this is at all in your heart?"

Clearly July was a month of copious intercession because shortly after that Andi prophesied again, on July 28th, 2010 saying, "...you will not only mother your own children one day my friend (test this) but again I see those little ones I saw before! Orphans and the unloved!"

In addition to the prophecies, Jesus spoke directly to me about ministering to women and children. After I was healed of an orphan spirit, He brought a few opportunities to minister to others who were in bondage to the same. I was grateful for every ministry opportunity that saw the orphan spirit defeated yet I was hungry for the full manifestation of the promises. But like the willow there was a time of being established in God and growing in love with Him. 

Then this September I heard Jesus say, "You're going to India." little did I realise that the beginning of the fulfillment of the promises was about to happen. When God gives you a calling TO LOVE, it can feel and seem so broad, perhaps a bit vague because like me you might think, I do love, I genuinely love people. Then you stand in the midst of a girls home in Dehradun, North India and see faces full of delight all because... you came to visit. I stared in awe as their voices lifted up in praise of God, their eyes closed in intimate wonder, their little feet moving in rhythm to the drum beat. I just wanted to squeeze them all in my limited arms. Then finally came the time to hold them. The squeals of delight as we hugged, cuddled, kissed, tickled and played games filled the whole room. One little girl in her green, frilly dress clung to me. She followed me everywhere and was content to just sit and be with me. Just for me to hold her, to love her. Another girl, with springy curls and the sweetest smile came to me and said, "You're beautiful." They were so open to receiving love yet so willing to give it away too. 

This I realised is what being called TO LOVE looks like.  It's not necessarily praying or prophesying over people but it is giving of yourself, your energy, your attention, your eye contact, your physical affection, speaking kind words of affirmation, dancing and laughing together. I looked directly into their eyes so they knew they had my full attention and I held their faces with my hands. My spirit spread out its wings and soared right into the midst of a flood of love from the Father to these precious ones. When I give away the love of the Father in this way I feel connected to Him in a way that I cannot access elsewhere. It is a form of worship that I have rarely tasted and now that I have tasted I want more. Little did I realise what that prophecy from Andi was going to look like in the earth realm and how rich and rewarding it would be for me to give away a love I so freely received. I came away full. In Father's economy, the more I give away, the more I receive. 

That was just the beginning...soon our mission team found ourselves in the midst of another orphanage in Kathmandu, Nepal. Here were 23 orphans fathered and mothered by a couple called by God to parent them. The first time we met the children was on a worship night, we all piled into a room: the couple, their own 3 children, the rest of the kids, our team of 9, the other team of 10 missionaries and still others. With the drums and guitars in full swing we raised up voices to praise God together. It was magnificent. 

I managed to find a little space to squeeze between some of the older girls. We hadn't met before but held hands and worshipped our beautiful Father together. Then I started to pray for the girl on my left. As I did I got a picture for her. A little while later I told her what God was showing me for her, that He would give her words of knowledge and wisdom for people, even as she walked on the streets, she would receive these words. She listened and again closed her eyes and continued to worship. I thought that maybe she didn't understand what I had said but I didn't press her. Then a minute later she leaned over and said that the exact picture I gave her was what Jesus was showing her just before I spoke and that while I had prayed her lips vibrated. She'd never experienced that before. So the gift was already imparted to her and she was so excited. So was I. What a wonderful way to begin a friendship with this young, tender daughter of God. Then she told the other two girls who were on my right what had just happened. They were hungry for more of God too. So I asked Jesus for prophetic pictures for them and He faithfully responded. So I spoke those over the girls and prayed with them and we very reluctantly said goodnight. They said, "Aunty, will you come back tomorrow, please?" I couldn't go the next day but I did see them shortly afterwards. Word had got round that I received pictures from God so I was taken around by a 7-year old to those who needed encouragement, children and adults alike. This 7-year old girl was so encouraging to me, she translated beautifully into Nepalese all that God was giving me for others. What a blessing to partner with this little one to bring the Kingdom to earth. We had so much fun! It is truly better to give than to receive.

I will never forget these children. It was not easy leaving them. But they are being cared for and raised to know the living God, so in that I give thanks and rejoice.

My prayer before I left for the mission trip was, "Oh God, make me more childlike before You." Meeting and loving all the children I did helps me to do that, to come like a child full of expectation to the Father. There is no fear in perfect love. We come to Him knowing we are welcome. 

I thank God for Andi's friendship, the depth and height and width thereof continually feeds me, drawing me closer to my Father. I value her beyond the prophetic words she gives me. And I am grateful that she takes me up with her to meet the Father so I too can be touched in new and colourful ways. Over the span of 7 years Andi has helped me to stay accountable to my destiny in God and believe Him for the fulfillment of the promises He has generously given me. Her prophecies over me are taking shape, she is delighted for me and very encouraged (on how accurately she hears His voice)...and after what seemed an eternity of waiting, so am I, I hope you are too.

Andi sent me a postcard from the Kruger National Park once. She said, "This picture's so beautiful, a picture of friendship."

Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised. Hebrews 11:11 KJV

More faith please!

I got talking to a beautiful, young woman a few weeks ago. What a smile she had, she was a simple girl with a smile that lit up the world. So as we stood in the sunshine and got to know each other a bit, she shared with me that she believed in Jesus. So I asked her if she would like prayer for anything and she thought for a moment and said, "Yes, I'd like more faith."

So the conversation that followed went like this:

"Do you pray before you sit on a chair?"

"No," she replied

"Do you pray before you open a tap?"

"No," she replied.

By now she was laughing.

"Why?" I asked. "Is it because you have faith that the chair won't collapse under you and that water will come out of the tap?"

"Yes," she answered, smiling that beautiful smile.

And Jesus said unto them, "... for verily I say unto you, If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

Matt 17:20 KJV, emphasis added

How big is a mustard seed?

 

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Heb 11:1 KJV

Is the 'substance' the thing you hope for?

Is the 'substance' the evidence of things not seen?

What is the substance...FAITH.

Let's read a bit further into Hebrews:

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good report. Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaks. By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God. But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that comes to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Hebrews :1-6 KJV

How do we obtain this faith that pleases God?

For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is a gift of God, not of works lest any man should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV, emphasis added

The same size of gift for all of us? Yes. Again, lest any of us should boast. But of no use unless we use that (gift of) faith to believe that He exists and He rewards those who diligently seek Him.

That beautiful, young girl stood in the sunshine smiling widely because she realised, she already has enough faith, all she had to do was use it.

A boundary of love

A boundary: defined as a line which marks the limit of an area, a dividing line.*

Touching a hot stove (cooker) is not a good idea, it can be very dangerous, especially for little children. No wonder our parents set a boundary for us telling us not to touch it. A hot stove is off limits. We may not have understood at the time that the boundary was there to divide safe from unsafe (some of us may have learned the hard way and got burned) but as we grew older understanding came. When we are young boundaries are an absolute necessity. Compared to today's world, my parents were very strict and I had boundaries 'coming out of my ears'. But this week I wrote to my mom thanking her for my upbringing. I can't say I had an idyllic childhood, at times the boundaries were enforced through fear and intimidation. But Jesus has redeemed me so I have forgiven my parents and have been set free of fear; intimidation and performing for love, which means I can now enjoy the fruit of my parents' labour without hangups. 

My mom and dad taught us to clean up after ourselves. It wasn't just a girls job to clean, every person in the house contributed to a tidy home. My parents worked full time to provide for us so we were called on to be responsible from an early age. The last thing my mom and dad wanted was to come home after a hard day's work to find a messy house. When I lived in shared accommodation I quickly learned that not everyone had the kind of boundaries I had growing up. So after a long day's work or time away you sometimes faced a sink full of dirty dishes, a brimming ashtray sitting on the table, a fridge stinking with expired food or even an unflushed toilet. I may not have liked boundaries too much when I was younger but as I have grown older I have come to see the value in them. 

To solve the cleaning dilemma in shared accommodation there was often a cleaning rota. It was helpful but it didn't stop people creating a mess. Boundaries were necessary, these usually consisted of rules like, when you cook a meal: wash the pots, clean the cooker and surrounding areas or when you take a shower pull the shower curtain all along the bath so you don't flood the bathroom and take your hair out of the drain when you're done. These boundaries made the living space bearable for everyone. By living within these boundaries, we didn't just have a tidy home but I realise now we also showed honour and love for one another.

I've heard it said that believing in God is like abiding in a set of rules. Do this and don't do that. If that is how you look at Jesus, you'll soon be worn out trying to tick boxes. In my journey with Jesus He has never once wagged his finger or threatened me into obeying any rules. He never will. My Jesus is not a dictatorial God. If our parents told us to look before we crossed the road or not to play with matches they did it for our protection because they loved us. Jesus loves us and within His love are boundaries. 

Before I knew Jesus loved me, I had no respect for my body. I wore clothes that revealed far too much, drank alcohol excessively, wore high heels that gave me cramps and wound up in dead-end relationships. That list is by no means exhaustive! I had no boundaries when it came to my body, I neglected it, persecuted it, damaged it and tempted with it. 

Freedom within boundaries

Getting to know how deeply I am loved by Jesus has been a key to living a life of freedom. Freedom is not living however you want. Freedom is fearlessly living out the purposes we have been created for within God's boundaries. I have been purchased with the blood and body of Jesus, I am valuable, precious. What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. (1 Cor:6:19-20 KJV)

After I shower each morning, my prayer is, "Clothe me Jesus". He shows me what to wear for the day. I take pleasure in asking Him and He takes pleasure in clothing me. I am delighting in His boundaries for me, I know that wearing anything that dishonours Him is dishonouring myself and others. It is possible to dishonour others by what you wear. In the past, when I wore something revealing it was usually to court attention. But it attracted the wrong kind of attention. The thoughts that sprung up in the mind of men that looked at me were sexual in nature. I was manipulating their thoughts by what I wore. I tempted others to sin. As I write this I can hear some say, it is not wrong to think someone is attractive. There is a fine line between acknowledging God's beauty in someone and lusting after them. Jesus said this, Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Matt 5:27-28 KJV)

Boundaries are necessary whether we are young or old, inside the home and outside the home and have an integral part in healthy relationships. 

Deborah and I really enjoy movies.  In our friendship, there is a boundary on what we watch, we have agreed that we will not watch horror, violence, nudity or sex scenes. We know the effect of those kinds of movies on our soul and we agree where the boundary lies. If we're not sure, we ask God. Holy Spirit is faithful to answer when we ask. A little while ago as we prayed I had the word 'cinema' come up. Deborah had the exact same thought that day. But when we looked at the movies on the cinema circuit none seemed suitable so we wondered why we had heard that. Again, a little while later we heard 'cinema' and again we checked the listings but nothing suitable was showing. A while later talking to some friends, they told us about called Heaven Is For Real that was on circuit. Deborah and I had both read the book and we were really keen to see the film. We then understood that God was whispering 'cinema' to us to prepare us to go and see that movie. We did hear from God but we did not ask God when He wanted us to go to the movies. We had just assumed it was on the day we heard. We thank God for the boundary we have in place and because of it we were not tempted to watch something that had no blessing in it.

Another boundary we have is that we do not allow the use of sarcasm or mocking in our communication with each other. Again, we both know the damage those things do to ourselves and others so we have chosen to speak life instead of death (Proverbs 18:21). You may ask how we can have a sense of humour without sarcasm or mocking, it's easy: we've exchanged our corrupted sense of humour for Holy Spirit's wit. If we slip up from time to time we agree to keep each other accountable to the boundary we've agreed on.

Jesus created everything in perfection, He set boundaries aplenty...dawn marks the boundary of night just as dusk marks the boundary of day, He set the boundary of the waters and He set a boundary in the garden of Eden and told Adam and Eve not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil for they would surely die. Their rebellion has cascaded down the generations and is alive and at work in us when we have no regard for God's boundaries simply because we do not believe He loves us. 

*Source: Oxford Dictionary

A breath of fresh air

I've had a recurring picture recently of climbing a mountain, the bottom parts of the mountain have broad paths that I can easily navigate whilst enjoying the view. Then as I ascend the path gets narrower so I have to slow down and pick my way over the craggy places, there are bits where there is only a narrow slit in the rock and I have to pass through sideways, really carefully. 

A friend asked me recently how I was and I replied, "The path is getting narrower and narrower but there's more oxygen now than ever before." In earthly reality, the higher up you go the less oxygen molecules are available. In spiritual reality, the higher up you go, the closer you get to God (though the way is narrow) the quality of the 'air' gets purer and it's much easier to breathe.

As we ascend the characteristics of the atmosphere changes. Likewise as we progress along the narrow path, we change through the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2) so the atmosphere around us should be changing too. What is on the inside flows to the outside.

I've heard the Holy Spirit say, 'you are responsible for the atmosphere you live in.'  

Until the age of about 19 I lived with my parents. During those years I became adept at walking on egg shells, being careful not to step out of line so that I was not responsible for the next explosion. My dad was an angry man and he showed it. He had a "short fuse", big things triggered the anger and little things too. Sometimes no matter how hard you tried the fuse would be lit somehow and the torrent of abuse and anger would flow unabated. So for most of the time the atmosphere was tense. It was not a great environment to grow up in but when you are subjected to that for a period of time, it becomes a pattern, you consider it normal. After Jesus came into my life and healed many of the wounds I carried I realised I could breathe freely and that life did not have to be lived in a tense environment, picking my way through trying to avoid conflict. I grew up thinking conflict was a bad thing so I had to avoid it at all costs. The social etiquette of politeness also sends a message that it is better to say nothing that to offend, again avoiding conflict. So we've got used to living in atmospheres that drain us ascribing it to "that's just life". Offending for the sake of offending is not what I'm talking about here. Jesus offended many but not for the sake of offence, He simply spoke the truth and there was fruit: the truth set us free. He had no fear of man.

I'm learning that we don't have to live in atmospheres of tension, fear, oppression, anxiety, frustration, annoyance, anger etc. And we don't have to fight or argue our way into a clean atmosphere. The fight was won for us as Jesus Christ hung on the cross, where He suffered for our sins. He gave Himself freely so we could appropriate the gift of life - in every area of our lives - today. So if we walk with Him we will also be able to put the flesh to the death and live out of the Spirit.

If someone offends you do you wait until that person comes to the realisation of their error and apologises to you? Do you prepare in your imagination the words that you would like to say to them that you're holding back - most of it would probably not be very nice. Do you sulk whilst waiting for an apology? Do you hold it against that person and the next time they offend you, you add it to their account? If yes, you'd be exactly like I was! But, I am changing because I'm opening myself up to the teaching of the Holy Spirit who says I'm responsible for the atmosphere I live in. I have come to treasure the gift of peace Jesus gave us, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world gives, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27 KJV

I don't want to sulk. I don't want to wear my offence like a heavy garment and affect others. If you think your sulking - even if you hide it - has no effect on others think again. Whatever is on the inside influences the atmosphere around you. In the past, I have carried the dead weight of hurt or offence and when asked if I was OK as clearly I was not, I'd say, "I'm fine." What a lie! It didn't help me and it sure didn't make it easy for the other person. Lord Jesus forgive me for every time I had said I'm fine when I was not, when the other person tried to reconcile and create an atmosphere of peace and I trampled on it by my rebellion and stubbornness. Thank You for Your mercy. Remove all effects of my sin from their lives and help me to maintain a clean atmosphere as I ascend with You. Amen.

I have often found that the reason I am offended is because there is something in me that needs to be uprooted. It could be pride, for example, "you have no right to speak to me like that" or "don't tell me what to do"; selfishness; covetousness or rebellion etc. There have been a few times when while fellowshipping with friends, I have felt that I wasn't included in the conversation. I felt like that because the person talking wasn't making eye contact with me. I like eye contact because it makes me feel included. So I talked about it with Deborah the other day and we realised the lack of eye contact was a product of the culture we are in. But what this situation did highlight was an insecurity in me and an opening for me to take offence. I asked Him and this is what Jesus has to say about it, "If I have chosen you to be in a specific place at a specific time to fellowship with people then trust that you have a purpose there, you are not a spectator but there to contribute value. I have already included you." 

There are times that people will hurt us because they have issues in their lives but it's not just their problem. Didn't Jesus say, "Love your neighbour as you love yourself."? In the past I brushed my hurt under the carpet and ignored it until enough time passed that the sting in it disappeared. Little did I realise that the wound was still there and the next time I got hurt the wound just got deeper. 

These days, I speak up. 

If someone has said or done something that hurts me then I communicate that to them. It doesn't have to be dramatic. I don't shout, there isn't a fight. We can release our hurt to Jesus, forgive the person and allow Holy Spirit to comfort us and let His perfect love cast out all fear of being hurt again. Then we can go to the person from a place of correction not conflict. If you love someone you'll tell them when they're going off track right?

A little while ago in a conversation, I annoyed someone by not what I said but they way I said it. There was an awkward atmosphere after that, it was a "there's an elephant in the room but we'll just pretend its not there and walk around it" situation. I don't like that awkwardness and I have nothing against real elephants but the proverbial ones I really don't like much. A little while later I asked the person if they were okay because they didn't seem themselves. First they said, they're fine. After asking again, they confessed that the way I had said what I said had actually, really annoyed them. I apologised immediately. It was not my intention to annoy. If anything I really, truly want everyone around me to be at peace, for the atmosphere to be full of oxygen, clean and pure. Annoying someone else is not where my heart is at. The person I annoyed had a heavy countenance and the atmosphere around them was heavy too. So I took responsibility for the atmosphere around me and showed the elephant the exit. We then continued to enjoy our time together. Thank You Holy Spirit for teaching us.

To take responsibility for the atmosphere around us we need courage to speak the truth. We don't need to be lions devouring our prey but we need to be honest yet gentle.We can only do that through the power of the Holy Spirit working in our lives so we bear the fruit of the spirit: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with it's passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. Galatians 5:22-26 NKJV

In our two-by-two walk, I have given Deborah permission to tell me when I am annoying or frustrating her. It may be that I don't know I am doing it. That doesn't mean she wears a badge saying "Nikita's critic". I know that she is not "out to get me" and won't condemn in her correction. I know she loves me and part of loving me is telling me when my behaviour is sucking the oxygen out of the air. The thing is I love her too and I don't want to frustrate, annoy or anger her. I want her to enjoy my peace and I want to enjoy her peace. Thank God that we have this season of learning how to love another, our atmosphere is full of oxygen and we are breathing deeply, glory to God!

Who do you follow?

When you follow someone to a particular destination, either walking or driving, because you don't know where you are going, you usually pay careful attention so you don't get lost. I remember being in my car, years ago, following a friend to a particular place. When we got to a roundabout en route, my friend went around the roundabout once, twice and then again! I had no choice but to follow. It was funny going around the roundabout and my friend sure had a good laugh watching me following her. The fact is I had to follow as I didn't know which exit she would take and when she would take it. 

It's not fun being lost. I recall a particular evening when I was out with a friend, at that time he was well equipped with a short temper. Well, we got lost trying to get to a restaurant. He ended up going very red, bashing the steering wheel and shouting to let off his frustration at being lost. It didn't make us any less lost but did create a stressful atmosphere. 

When we were in South Africa last year, we had prayed about whether to visit a church in one of the townships in Cape Town. My friend Caryl and I had taught the pastor of the church, John and his congregation, English and life skills. Most of the congregation were from central African countries whose first language was French. I  had not seen John or his family in about 7 years. When we prayed, God gave me a picture of John praying over me and my UK passport application. We knew we were to visit with them that following Sunday. As it had been such a long time since I had visited them, Caryl offered to meet us at a nearby petrol station so we could follow her to the church. Turned out I couldn't even remember how to get to the petrol station! Caryl had left her mobile phone at home so my repeated calls to her went unanswered. We did manage to eventually find our way to the township where I had taught English and the petrol station but Caryl was long gone. We walked around for a bit and asked a few people but nobody seemed to know where the church was. As we sat in the car, I thought if God wants us to be there, we will be there, I had not lost my peace. I got on the Internet and searched for John, hoping his name and church would come up. It took a little while but I found it and managed to get an address and off we went. We were 2 hours late!

As we walked into the church, John was telling his testimony of how the Lord helped him get his South African passport. The timing was perfect, nothing was lost. John did pray over us all and then later he specifically prayed for me and called forth my UK citizenship and passport as the Lord led him.

I spent most of my life being lost. I had no specific direction and I wasn't following anyone. I was just "going with the flow". If tough stuff happened I put it down to: "that's just life" and muddled along in my frustration like I did with my friend that lost his temper. Life has changed! Now I have Someone I can follow. Someone I can trust that knows the way. Not only that, He is the Way. Jesus has been where I am going and knows what I do not yet know. He is equipping me now for the steps I have yet to take. I need to pay careful attention to where He is going so I can follow well. 

Being lost trying to get from place A to place B is frustrating, how much more frustrating is it when we have no direction in life. But because most of the world is lost, being lost is the norm and we resign ourselves to being OK to wander through life stumbling from one situation to another.

But it was not just in my worldliness that I was lost. Even though I have been working out my salvation for the last 7 years, I have seemingly not been any wiser. In the last 12 months or so, Jesus has been teaching me how to truly lay down my life. He's shown me that though I had made Him Lord of my life, I was still very much in control of my life in other words I was lord of my own life. Yes, I asked Him what to do about big decisions like, do I quit my job? where do I move to? do I need to buy a car? But for the rest I just made up my own mind and followed my own will. 

At some level in my thinking, I was convinced that I could think for myself in small things so I didn't need to ask God. 

What Jesus has revealed to me, thank God, is that He wants (desires) to be asked because Him being our Lord means He saturates the fabric of our lives, every thread matters to Him, even down to what we wear. Jesus said, "If you love Me, keep My commandments" (John 14:15 KJV). Do you want to show Jesus your love? It's simple: Command me Lord, what to do with this new day You have allowed me to live." or "Clothe me today Jesus." 

Since I have been asking God about what to wear, what to do about different situations, where to go on Sundays to worship etc. Jesus has been showing me His perfect will every time. I am learning that He has a plan and its a blessing to walk in it. I don't have to make my own decisions. What a relief! I don't have to follow my own will, I don't have to reason with logic or be practical or reasonable in any body's eyes. I can simply go to Jesus and ask Him, command me Lord and wait for His commandment and do it. Does it mean that everything goes really smoothly all the time? Well, you read above of how we got lost trying to find John's church. If you were lost for two hours would you have given up? Its easy to give up when you don't have a promise, when you don't know what God's will is. But when you know, you stay, you keep your peace and you wait because you're excited about seeing the picture in your mind manifest on earth as it is in heaven. 

His perfect will produces miracles

I had been waiting a month for some form of acknowledgement of my application. A couple of days after John prayed, I got a letter from Her Majesty's Passport Office to say my application for citizenship had been received and was being processed. A month later my citizenship was granted. Interestingly, it takes a standard 6 months to process citizenship applications in the UK. Mine was done in 2 months. 

Furthermore, we had prayed about the provision for my passport application on April 7th and Jesus showed me a picture of a passport page and on it was a stamp saying: "APPOINTED TIME". I also saw an envelope with cash in it being dropped through the door. Deborah saw a picture of two angels dispatched, one preparing the passport and another preparing the provision. So we waited in hope knowing He had a plan. 

Earlier this month I celebrated a birthday. The Sunday before as we drove home from church I asked Jesus for my birthday present from Him, I said, "Lord, please could I have my passport." That very day, the money for the passport application was handed to us in an envelope. 

Close friends who knew I was praying about the provision for the passport application asked me what I wanted for my birthday, did I want a gift voucher or money towards the passport application. I said what I felt comfortable to say, pray and ask Jesus what you should do. They sent a gift voucher. It would have been easy to say, could I have the money for the passport but that would have been my own will. A little while later the Lord told us to celebrate the Sabbath on a Friday. In the picture I saw us feasting on a beautiful meal with friends. We didn't have the money to afford this meal but I knew God was saying we had to prepare it. Then He showed me the gift voucher which was more than enough for our Sabbath feast.

When we relate our adventures with Jesus, like these I have shared with you, some people get excited and others say, "that's alright for you, that's how God talks to you but that's not for everyone." 

God does not work the same way in every one's life but we have one God, the same God that does His work in each of us. And when Jesus said, "If you love Me, keep my commandments," He wasn't talking to some people who had a specific calling to keep His commandments, He was talking to us all. So whether He commands you to sell your possessions and move to China or whether He commands you to share your sandwich or whether He commands you to make someone a cup of tea is not up for debate. Showing Him our love is to be obedient in whatever He commands us but we can only do that if we take the time to hear Him and follow Him. Hearing and obeying is not a calling, it is a commandment.

"My sheep hear My voice and I know them and they follow Me..." John 10:27 

Recommended reading: My Sheep Hear My Voice by Joseph Hedgecock visit: http://www.solm.org/

Two By Two

You think you know how to love someone until something like this happens.

I had my last day at work on May 31st, 2013. It was the end of a six year season. It was during that last week of May as I prepared to say goodbye to the old and enter into the new that I heard God say, "This is a season of two-by-two." My friend Deborah was due to arrive on June 1st. She was coming to help me pack and move but also to spend time together. Little did either of us know what was up ahead. She had only planned to come for the weekend but ended up staying for ten days. Our friendship went from extraordinary to divine. Holy Spirit was with us in every way every day, He inhabited our conversations and our thoughts and dreams. The joy we had in each other's company was pure and immeasurable. I remember the day before Deborah was to return home, I wept with sadness feeling as if a part of me was leaving with her. The love and closeness I felt was not of this world, it wasn't something I worked up or asked for, it was a gift from God. 

In one accord

Before she left in June we both knew that somehow God would bring us together again. By early July Deborah was offered a job at the same place I worked at and in the middle of July we began our journey together. God fulfilled the words He had spoken to both of us. 

I had lived on my own for many years. I sometimes thought that perhaps I'd struggle sharing my space with someone. I had prayed for those six years for God to bring along a friend that I could share life with, someone to hang out with, to go for walks with, to pray with, to laugh with. Here was Deborah, my answer to prayer. The joy I had on receiving my answer to prayer far outweighed any thoughts about how precious my space or independence were, they became meaningless. Here was a person that God had set apart to be my friend. We didn't just get to hang out, pray together and eat together now and then. We lived together and shared everything all the time. 

I have read that verse in the Bible, "love your neighbour as you love yourself" and I have heard sermons preached on it. I have contemplated it. But I have not lived it, truly lived it as I have been able to the last eight months. Here's a glimpse of what that love looked like... it's truly listening to someone and hearing what they're saying beyond the words. Then when you notice the need, the love in you compels you to work with God to meet that need even when its inconvenient. It's getting to know someone's spiritual character and knowing that when they're behaving out of that character, they need help not judgement. It's noticing what someone likes and what they don't. It's praying with someone with a heart so filled with compassion you'll wait until their breakthrough comes, no matter how long it takes. It's letting love show when all you want to do is the opposite. It's giving hugs and showing affection even if you don't get it back. It's knowing when to be quiet and knowing when to speak. It's speaking the truth instead of turning a blind eye. It's correcting someone without hurting them. It's celebrating someone who doesn't want to be celebrated. It's choosing to honour someone when you could easily make a joke and be the funny person. It's being honest without fear of being judged. It's rejoicing in another's victory. It's allowing someone to teach you something without feeling shame for not knowing it in the first place. It's forgiving every time and speaking it out so the other person knows where you're at. It's communicating even when you're not in the mood to because you're responsible for the atmosphere you live in. It's taking the other person into consideration before you make plans. It's praying together through things, both equally pressing into God for each other. It's putting another's life before your own. 

You can't just love your neighbour without the love of God. Because to love is to sacrifice. Love costs something. 

It took several days to get my stuff packed and the house cleaned so I could move. I remember Deborah getting stuck in, wrapping things, packing boxes, skilfully packing the car to accommodate much more than I would ever have been able to and cleaning. There was no reward in it for her except helping a friend. I never once felt like I couldn't rely on her and in the midst of all that work, we had great fun. 

Ever since Deborah arrived on the farm we both worked on, she had taken it upon herself to wash and clean the car God had blessed us with. She never once hesitated to do it. She enjoyed doing it. It was a kindness that was a great blessing to me, especially on really cold days when I didn't want to be outside! 

Whenever I began to cook a meal, she would come and ask me, "What can I do to help? It may seem like a little thing but when you have spent years cooking for yourself and eating by yourself, it is a pleasure to share simple tasks with someone. For Deborah, it was the start of God teaching her all about food and flavours and eventually giving her great enjoyment in cooking.

The Surprise

Deborah once asked me to keep a Friday night free. She didn't give me any other details, just to keep it free. On the night, we got dressed and she drove us to a nearby town. She treated me to dinner and a theatre show. It was her surprise for me which she had carefully planned. I really like eating out and I enjoy the theatre very much. She noticed. I felt so loved.

I could write of the many other things that Deborah did to show her love for me but I would not stop writing. But I will share just one more ...it became quickly apparent when we began living together that I am not a talkative person in the morning, it takes me a little while to wake up. I admit in those months we spent at the farm, it was mostly Deborah who rose first in the mornings which meant I could sleep for that little bit longer. It was also her sensitivity that made her gentle in the mornings, even though she is talkative and much more lively than I am. She didn't get offended by my quietness and I never felt forced to talk. We ended up having some extraordinary God mornings as a result.

We had to wake up a bit earlier than usual yesterday, Deborah asked me at what time I wanted to wake up. I had the choice of the early slot or the later one. I chose the earlier one. She woke up first. She didn't complain. She didn't say anything at all actually. I know I was wrong, I should mean what I say and say what I mean. I am going to apologise to her as soon as I finish writing this. I value her too much to dishonour her with forgetfulness and laziness. 

"Love your neighbour as yourself"

This isn't just another phrase, it isn't just the topic of a sermon, these are the words of Jesus Christ. His words are spirit and they are life (John 6:63). I have found that once I let go of my selfish desires and decide to intentionally love someone the way I want to be loved, the Kingdom comes and off course it comes with power. 

"And He called unto Him the twelve and began to send them forth two by two and gave them power over unclean spirits and commanded them that they should take nothing for their journey save a staff only, no scrip; no bread; no money in their purse but be shod with sandals and not put on two coats." 

Mark 6:7-9 (KJV)

Our two-by-two walk has given us a glimpse of heaven. We have had no argument, no disunity and held no grudge against each other. We work through issues as they arise and lay them before the Holy Spirit who has taken the burden and taught us how to love. In all of this, we have seen miracle upon miracle of financial provision, deliverance and healing, for ourselves and others. We gave up our jobs, our comforts, our belongings and we put ourselves in the only hand that is trustworthy, the righteous right hand of our God, our King, Jesus Christ. Now we live a life of love and miracles. Glory to God.

Decisions, decisions

Sam* and Elisa* are siblings. Sam is a believer in Jesus Christ and Elisa is not. In the midst of a beautiful summer, Sam receives an invitation to go sailing with his friend Charlie*. Sam really wants to go, the weather is perfect and he gets to hang out with a great friend. Ordinarily, Sam would see this as a "blessing" and go for it, that's what he did last time. This time he hesitates. 

He's learning something new in his journey with Jesus, letting Jesus be Lord in every area of his life. So Sam resists the pressure to say yes instantly and tells Charlie he'll get back to him. Sam chooses to ask Jesus whether he should go sailing or not. As Sam prays he sees a (mental) picture of Elisa on the sailboat, wind in her hair, free. He feels such peace as he sees the picture and deep inside he knows Jesus is saying, yes go sailing...take Elisa with you.

Sam puts the idea of sailing to Elisa on a text message. No immediate reply is forthcoming. After a while he wonders what Elisa is thinking, does she want to come or not, if this is Jesus' will why doesn't she just say yes!

A day later Elisa replies saying she isn't free to go sailing as she needs to work. Sam asks if its possible to exchange with someone. Turns out Elisa has already asked everyone in her team and no one is able to cover for her. Sam recalls the picture Jesus gave him. This isn't going the way he expected but he chooses to wait on Jesus. 

Later that evening Elisa arrives home from work and announces she can go sailing. Sam is thrilled, God's plan is becoming real. The day arrives. Sam and Elisa have breakfast and prepare sandwiches for their day out on the water. It's the weekend, usually the time the house gets cleaned and all sorts of other jobs get done. Sam's mum thinks the sailing will last a couple of hours at the most and expects Elisa home shortly afterward to help get things done around the house. Sam explains to his mum that they have no idea when they'll be back. Mum calls Sam aside and has a quiet word saying, "I really need Elisa's help, there's so much to do and I just can't do it all without her." 

Sam feels a strange tension in his chest as he encounters resistance to God's plan. He tells his mum that Elisa has to go. He doesn't say why or offer any other explanation, honestly he doesn't really know what else to say. Amazingly, his mum simply accepts that.

There are no promises it would be easy but there is a promise that Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us...

As Sam turns to leave the room a text from Charlie comes through saying the winds are really strong and it may not be wise to have too many people on the boat, is Elisa still coming? Sam feels that pressure in his chest again. He goes to a quiet place and prays, "Lord Jesus this is Your will, the winds will be perfect." Charlie is a believer too so Sam replies saying, yes Elisa is still coming and explains the picture Jesus gave him. Sam knows that if he didn't hear God right, there won't be any peace in his heart and mind. Yet, he feels peace even though the winds are really strong. It's a risk and he's willing to take it. Charlie is on board too.

A little while later Sam and Elisa are on the boat, sitting together at the bow with the gentlest breeze blowing over them. The sky is bright blue and the waters are calm. Charlie is amazed that there is so little wind, especially after the forecast they heard. Sam smiles to himself knowing Jesus has answered his prayers. Sam and Elisa enjoy the view and the open water, they talk and are happy to just be. Sam feels such a sense of freedom in him and still the peace has remained and he knows that Elisa somehow feels the same. 

After motoring for a while they get into a perfect wind and with the sails up they enjoy a wonderful sail, heeling in the wind with great excitement. Ah freedom! 

Sam is full of joy, it's been a beautiful day and he is grateful to have spent quality time with Elisa. He thinks back on all the tests that came his way. First, the temptation to be his own lord by making his own decisions. Second, that Elisa had to work. Third, that mum needed help. Fourth, that the winds were forecast to be too strong. Sam realises that through this he has learnt that God does care about every detail of our lives and wants to be involved in it. This is what a relationship with Jesus looks like, simply walking hand-in-hand with Him. We can know His will by asking Him, what do I do? where do I go? When we know His will, His plan there is a peace that transcends understanding even when things stand in the way of His will being fulfilled, that enables you to stand up in the face of resistance and there is protection even in the face of great danger.

Philippians chapter 4, verse 6-7 (KJV) says: Be careful for nothing but in every thing by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Sam doesn't understand everything that happened within Elisa that day while out on the water but he trusts that if it was Jesus' will, a seed of something miraculous and wonderful was sown into her.

Proverbs 3:5 to 6 (KJV) says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

*This is a true testimony, names have been changed.