No plan? What!

Belief is only belief at the point of execution. There is a difference between knowing something and acting on what you know. 

For me the last two weeks have been quite a revelatory time. The last two years or more have held some intense challenges. But somehow even in the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23) I have enjoyed the peace of God that really transcends understanding. What does that look like you may ask, 

here are a couple of examples. When I was facing a near death situation earlier this year, I was not at all anxious, my mind was not racing and I had no fear. Even though the situation was life threatening, my heart was at rest as I felt the presence of Holy Spirit very tangibly, it felt like God was carrying me through it all.

Another example, I spent a year or more getting everything ready for my citizenship application and just before my appointment to submit my paperwork, I went from being eligible to apply to being disqualified because a new law was introduced. At first I had no understanding in it and feelings of rejection said, you're not good enough. As I struggled with these feelings, I clung onto God as He had made it clear to me that becoming a citizen was His will. His peace quickly came in and the feelings disappeared. With an uncluttered mind and heart, I was able to hear His voice guiding me through the next step to take and eventually, through many miracles, I was eligible again and able to apply. 

I look back and think, those were some tough things to endure but Holy Spirit guided me every step of the way and I was able to navigate stormy waters with His peace. Journeying like this with God for me, means praying - spending time in His presence and allowing Him to love me, to mould my heart to His; hearing - listening for His still, small voice; obeying - doing what He says, not because I have to but because I want to. So I have faith in Him and trust that He does speak, leading me by His Spirit. I therefore act on my faith and do what I hear Him say to do. The thing is though, He doesn't give me all the details in advance. Therefore faith involves risk. 

So when I was resting at Alan and Irene's, I was also asking Holy Spirit, what's next? Over time He revealed a destination, Canada, specifically Toronto. I wasn't expecting that. As usual, I asked for confirmation and it came rolling in, even down to the point of when eating my morning oats, I asked Irene for honey and she said, I also have maple syrup if you want it. God has a great sense of humour (Canada is famous for its maple syrup). So I started to pray into it, I called forth by faith, the finances and connections He had for me in Canada to manifest on earth as it is in heaven. As I prayed, Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was to visit a church in Toronto called Catch the Fire. I did ask a few friends if they knew anyone in Toronto I could connect with but even as I asked, I didn't feel comfortable, my peace left me. It was because Holy Spirit wanted me to rely on Him to establish the connections once I got to Toronto. He didn't give me anymore information than: go to Toronto, visit Catch the Fire and book a hotel near the church. What was going to happen when I got there, I had no idea...but I was willing to take the risk.

So it has been two and a half weeks since I arrived in Toronto. The interrogation at immigration was the most intense I've ever endured but despite all the odds, God's will prevailed and I was able to enter Canada. I was praying in those connections I knew, by faith, God had for me. After a few visits to the church, God connected me with a beautiful lady, she came up to me and said, God prompted me to talk to you. We talked for a long while, both sharing a little of our respective journeys with God. As we shared we both realised the divine moment. Before she left, I had an invitation to sit with her and her family for Sunday church. That Sunday she introduced me to some friends of hers and...guess where I've been staying for the past week and a half. 

It all sounds idyllic doesn't it? I need a place to stay and this family I just met takes me in. Yet, I have struggled. I expected to be with this lovely family for just a short while, perhaps a couple of days at the most. I expected to bless them with whatever God showed me and be on my way. But day after day passed and I was still there. I felt like a burden. I felt like I was in the way. The enemy fed me lies: I was unwelcome, I could not pay them so I should not be there, I should have some destination to be at, some PLAN. All of this resulted in great turmoil. So I prayed constantly asking God to release me. I knew God did not bring torment like this, I knew He was at work somehow, but knowing that didn't help me because I didn't act on it by trusting Him. I wasn't willing to risk being taken care of by God through others, especially when they didn't know me. I felt like I was relying on man, not God.

Then one day, a friend (who lived in another country) got in touch and said, hey my family live in Toronto, don't you remember I told you about them and if you're ever there, you should go stay with them. Oh what relief, music to my ears, I got the contact details and called. No answer. I called, five times, ten, twenty, maybe fifty times. I left messages. Nothing. My friend even struggled to make contact with her family, until eventually we found out that they were out of town. But earlier on that week, I thought I had heard God say, you're leaving on Friday and I had it confirmed by a friend. So when Friday came, I had my bags packed but still and I could not make contact, I fell into despair. Why is this so hard God?! Why do you have me here? What is my purpose?! The pressure built until...I had a chat to my host, who is very gentle and also wise. He said, there's no rush and maybe this is not a test and God is speaking to you in a different way than what you are used to. I listened attentively, I was desperate for some direction. The revelation came. God did not want me to stay with my friend's family, that is why it was so hard to contact them, even when they were back in town my calls still went unanswered. Striving isn't part of God's plan. I was so desperate to leave, I hadn't bothered to ask God if that offer was from Him or not. 

That revelation brought me some peace. I thanked my host and I valued that this family were so gracious towards me as I processed this with God. But I still struggled with feeling like a burden. What was the real issue? Fear. I feared what others (namely my host family) thought of me: that I had no plan; no resources and was taking advantage of their kindness. So I started to pray into overcoming this fear of man. Still day after day passed and Holy Spirit said nothing about the next step or when I would be leaving, not to me and not through others praying for me. After going up for prayer at church one Sunday and a few honest chats with my hosts about what was going on in my heart, I was able to let the fear go. I wasn't unwelcome. I wasn't eating them out of house and home. I wasn't a burden. God was providing their needs and through them providing my needs. It all still came from Him. I had asked Him for a safe place, food and water etc. and He had provided - just not in the way I had expected. 

Those days of turmoil had stolen my peace, the peace that usually guards my heart and mind, through Jesus. He said, Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27 ESV

Prior to arriving in Canada, I asked Holy Spirit what this season was all about, He simply said, REFRESHING. A few days ago, I had a vision of standing in a river, the water almost to my shoulders. Jesus was standing next to me and had a gleaming silver-like bucket, He used the bucket to drench me, He did it over and over again, we splashed and laughed together. It was refreshing. I have re-entered into His rest. His peace I have again welcomed into my heart and mind. It's ok to not know what is next and, more importantly, it's ok for my host family not to know. But what we do know is that God is in control and is not deaf, blind or uncaring about our situations. He is merciful in all He does, always interested in delivering us from anything that holds us captive. Even today, a friend of mine got in touch to say, 'enjoy the intimacy with Jesus, just enjoy Him and when it's time to go, you'll know'. 

Thank you to my host family, for your continual sowing into me, in so many ways, and being patient while God used our initial time together to break bonds of fear and a few boxes. Thank you to each of you who have prayed for me, some of you, daily, walking this right alongside me. We are not meant to live independently or to have it all figured out.  When I call upon others to walk alongside me, invite them to speak into my life, trust them enough to confess my thoughts and receive with thanks and humilty what God brings through them, freedom comes. It's God's design of family and it works. And last but not least, thank You Father God for times of refreshing, days of sunshine, rest and delight.

Philippians 4:6-7 ESV:

(The Lord is at hand) do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Alan & Irene

Just over two years ago while on a God assignment, I had the privilege of being connected with Irene. We saw each other from time to time and occasionally got to pray together but we hadn't formed a deep bond. Just before that season ended, Irene and others came to pray for us and send us off with a blessing. It had been an incredibly challenging time and to know that these women cared enough to take time away from their families, to bless our going out, was a great comfort. Their presence ushered in a lightness and helped us to enter into a new season with fresh hope and joy.

Since that cold December day, Irene has maintained constant contact, no matter where I am in the world, even if she didn't know me really well (thank God for wifi!). She has taken a keen interest in me, enquiring as to what God is doing in my life and through my life for others. She has sown into me continually with love, prayers, fellowship and so much more, even if it is from afar. 

Being a missionary is not the easiest job in the world. It may seem glamorous, getting to travel far and wide, seeing God restoring His sons and daughters but putting your life in His hands does mean relinquishing control. There is a constant reliance on God in every day for every thing: food; water; shelter; fellowship; protection; purpose and all else. That in itself is no bad thing because He always provides and, because He is far from predictable, not usually in the way you may expect.  Therefore all the natural ways of thinking and therefore being must be scrapped as you journey. Jesus said, pick up your cross and follow Me. There are great adventures, meeting incredible people and seeing wonderful healings but it can also be tough, it can be lonely, it can be frustrating. So when you have someone like Irene, equipped with a tender, nurturing heart, who is concerned for you and rooting for you despite great odds, you know the love of Father God through her is not just a matter of talk, it's real. What started as a simmer is now on the boil: the deep bond of sweet, everlasting friendship that God Himself embodies has manifested itself for Irene and I. 

When my season in the USA was nearing its end, Holy Spirit told me my next stop would be at Irene's. I hadn't seen her in a long while and though she had been 'walking alongside' me through the various missions, we hadn't spent much time together face-to-face. It was with great joy that we both anticipated my arrival. But before that joyous reunion...I missed the flight that would take me to her. I had been longing for the end of that season, I was ill and sorely needed a rest and some tender loving care, truthfully my heart was already with Irene. Missing a flight is never great but this time it, can I say, sucked enormously! 

1 Thessalonians 2:17 ESV

But since we were torn away from you, brothers, for a short time, in person not in heart, we endeavored the more eagerly and with great desire to see you face to face...

I've discovered the average American does not use the 24 hour clock, they call it 'military time' so not having been called up to serve, it's the 12 hour clock for me. So I had some doubts about when exactly my flight was leaving but I went with what I thought and I got it completely wrong! I eventually called the airline and found out, too late, that my flight had already departed. Lesson learned. I had to get over my disappontment, and also kicking myself, quite quickly. It's at times like these when I have to remember that God does not hold our mistakes against us, He still cares deeply about me and wants to help me. Knowing this makes it easier to move on from the mistake and move forward into discerning what He is doing to help me out. 

Holy Spirit had told me that I would be leaving on May 21st and would be with Irene on May 22nd - which was her birthday - my arrival was going to be a great gift or so we thought. I simply couldn't face another night there, I had to leave, the season was over and I chose to believe that I would leave when He said I would leave. God had blessed me with finances to pay for my flight out of NYC but as the original flight was expensive I knew I had insufficient funds to buy another similar flight for that day. But trying to remain calm I looked for another flight. We were all praying for a miracle. It took only a few minutes but I found a flight I could afford, just. I booked with shaky fingers and with only an hour to get to the airport to check in, I raced to the subway, backpack and 23kg bag in tow. There was a man standing at the very top of the subway stairs, he took a look at me with my big, heavy suitcase and offered to carry it, he took it all the way down for me. Thank you God for practical help! Just to note if you are ever in this situation please be sure to use the facilities before you set off, as a full bladder in transit whilst your adrenalin is pumping, is not fun. 

I didn't arrive at the airport I was meant to arrive at or meet Irene when I was meant to. But I arrived nonetheless. Another friend, after being prompted by Holy Spirit booked me a bus ticket to get to where I needed to be, once I arrived. All the while, Irene (and others) had been praying for me. I kept having to change the time I was going to meet her on the other side but she never got frustrated. When I finally arrived, filled with relief but brandishing a birthday banner, I slumped into Irene's loving arms. Even writing this I feel like crying with relief. A familiar face, a warm embrace, a patient friend, a caring heart was there waiting for me. I hadn't had a hug like that in a while, it was good. She took me to her home and showed me my room which had an array of toiletries, including a new toothbrush which was much needed, and even the snacks I liked, waiting for me. I was also given a bunch of pink tulips as part of my welcome. Here was not just physical rest but the tender, loving care I needed.

I met Irene's husband Alan, for the first time, a bit later on that day. Deb had told me of his kind heart and cracking sense of humour, so I had been really looking forward to meeting him. He did not disappoint. Alan was open to having me in his home despite not knowing me. 

During my time with Alan and Irene, I was taken to the doctor for much needed antibiotics, had my laundry done, was bought new shoes, got home cooked food, a hair cut and time to just be. In addition, I had to get a new SIM card for my phone so Irene took me into town to get it done. She waited patiently with me while we got, what initially seemed a simple thing but wasn't, sorted out and paid for the extra parking no problem. She told Alan that I really felt like eating a good curry so he made reservations at their favourite Indian restaurant and drove at least 20mins to get there. I was introduced to the restaurant owner, a long time friend of theirs, who recommended a dish for me. I know a good curry when I taste one and I have to say the food was wonderful, the company excellent, service great and the red wine Alan had kindly brought complemented our meal beautifully. I felt completely at ease in Alan and Irene's company and in their home. I didn't feel like a guest, I felt like a daughter. 

God knows our needs, not just physical ones but our emotional, mental and spiritual needs. He knows how to connect us and He knows the fruit of those connections. Everything is meaningful when we invite and expect God to show up. I can now call Alan, dad. I can embrace him knowing he cares for me and not just as a visiting missionary. How can I know that? Because he welcomed me, a stranger, into his home or bought me a really delicious curry? Yes, that is part of it. God sealed it for me on the day I left their home for the airport. Alan was at a dentist's appointment so Irene was taking me to the airport. I was a bit sad Alan wasn't coming along too and wondered if his dentist's appointment was for the right day. We were a quarter way through our journey when the phone rang, at least three times. So I finally fished it out of Irene's handbag and we found it was Alan. His dentist's appointment wasn't for that day, it was for the next week. We all arranged to meet at a nearby parking spot were we transferred my luggage into his car so he could drive us to the airport. When we got to the airport I expected them to drop me off and say goodbye outside the terminal. But  they wheeled my suitcase for me and accompanied me right to the check-in desk. 

Who would've thought that meeting Irene in that season, which seems so long ago now, would produce such an incredible blessing, especially for me. I can only say thank you, thank you for tirelessly loving me, feeding me and spoiling me, for embracing me everyday I was in your company and for the laughs, how we laughed. I honour you, Alan and Irene, as a dad and mom. I thank God for connecting us. I love you both. 

Matthew 25:35-36 KJV 

For I was hungry, and you gave me food: I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink: I was a stranger, and you took me in: Naked, and you clothed me: I was sick, and you visited me: I was in prison, and you came to me.

Missions are not just about missionaries going out. Missions involve those who pray, those who encourage, those who supply finances, those who receive the missionary, feed; clothe and accommodate them, and those who are open to receiving the ministry they bring. This is the body of Christ at work together, we are one with Him and one in Him. To all those who have prayed, payed and encouraged and still do, those who have provided food; water; shelter; clean laundry; love and hugs thank you, to God be the glory and to you be honour for your obedient, servant heart. God bless you!

Ephesians 4:16 KJV 

...we are to grow up in every way, into Him, Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

The Tale of the Red Carpet

A few years ago, Holy Spirit shared, in a vision with me, the following: I walked up to great, big double doors of a traditional church building, the doors were shut and I had to open them. As I entered the church, I saw the pews filled with people and they cheered and celebrated with great joy at my arrival, I walked down the red carpet towards the front, as I went, I heard, we are so glad you're here, Nikita, we've been waiting for you. 

Extraordinary. 

I have to admit when I first saw that traditional church in the vision I had some reservation about going into it. Let me attempt an explanation. During my first year of salvation, God surrounded me with believers who were in love with Jesus, embraced the Father's heart and were flowing with Holy Spirit. You're thinking, wow, they sound perfect, let's be real, no one is. These Kingdom friends chose to believe God and what He said in word and spirit and were willing to follow, even if they made mistakes or didn't have total understanding. I naively thought that all who believed in Jesus were like them. After that first year, my naïveté was exposed and cured...moving on a few years later, I felt led by Holy Spirit to visit a nearby church, it was a traditional building in a lovely village that included a castle, albeit a ruined one. I set off extra early and could see the church from my car but struggled to find the road that led there, so I ended up late and one of the things I don't like, about going to a small traditional church like this one, happened. By the time I got there, the doors were shut. I was determined to go and so as I continued up the path, I spotted another person also making their way to the closed doors, great! I was not the only one. I opened the door and, off course, it creaked, everyone, yes I'm sure everyone, turned to stare at the latecomers. Oh the heat in my face! I quickly found an empty pew toward the back and stared straight ahead. When the offering bag was passed to me, I declined it, as I didn't feel led to give. I remember the hard stare I got. I'm not sure if it was intended or if it was the demeanour of the person taking the offering, either way, it wasn't friendly. As the service ended my only thought was to quickly exit the building. One of the congregants turned to leave, inevitably in my direction, they stared me up and down, perhaps disapproving of my dress. I made a hasty exit, trying not to run. 

I know all churches in traditional buildings are not the same, I've visited Holy Trinity Brompton in London and an Episcopal church in South Carolina, both have been an incredible blessing to me, admittedly they aren't embracing a traditional style having modernised to a great extent. So now you have an understanding of my reluctance at seeing that traditional church in the vision Holy Spirit shared with me but reluctance or not, I embraced the vision and looked forward to being welcomed in such a church with great celebration one day.

In March 2014, God gave me a further vision in which I was visiting a church in Copenhagen, Denmark. It was a small, community church housed in an old fashioned church building.  In this vision, I saw myself sharing my testimony and praying with the people there. A month later Holy Spirit showed me more about the church in Copenhagen. Then while at a conference in LA, in March this year, during worship He said, Copenhagen is coming! I thought great, after the USA, I'll be going to Scandinavia. I don't often get this kind of specific direction in advance so I was really happy to have it. Then whilst in New Jersey, toward the end of my journey in the USA, Holy Spirit said, look for Copenhagen, Denmark in New York. Really?! So I did and lo and behold, there is a village of Copenhagen in the town of Denmark in upstate New York. This revelation both challenged me and excited me. God is hardly predictable, yet even within His specific direction He does like to surprise us.

I waited in NYC for the green light from Holy Spirit to go to Copenhagen. I didn't know anyone at the church and I didn't have the finances to fund my stay there. But I did have peace, the kind that transcends understanding, so a lack of finances did not deter me. After a day of prayer and asking others to pray, I had the green light and booked my bus ticket. The bus was leaving in the next evening, so I spent the day in Manhattan. Whilst waiting, I received a message from a friend to say he'd received a cheque and had heard God say the money was for me. He sent it to me that day. I was greatly encouraged. Not long afterwards another person sent money, I was even more encouraged. This enabled me to pay for food and accommodation for at least for a night when I got upstate. As I took each day by faith, so the resources were released to be present in Copenhagen and surrounds. I thank God for His sons and daughters who are obedient to His prompting to give, we are all working together to advance His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. 

With the money I received I was able to hire a car and drive to the church in Copenhagen for their Sunday service. I was the first to arrive as I did not know what time their service started, so better early than late (especially if they had a creaky door). I walked up the ramp of the traditional building and tried the big, double doors, they were open. I stepped in and walked down the red carpet toward the main hall. It was too early for anyone to be there, so I sat in one of the pews and just enjoyed God's presence, in awe of how He led me there, to a place that for me, only existed in a vision, until then. 

A short while later, people started to arrive. I introduced myself and shared briefly shared my vision. They were very happy to meet me and welcomed me warmly. I was encouraged. I joined in for some study and later on before the main service, the gentle pastor, having been alerted of my arrival, came up to ask me how long I needed to speak for. There was such openness, which was very encouraging. I shared with all there what Holy Spirit had shown me and invited them to talk to me after the service about how I could serve them. I have since been able to witness to them of the incredible miracles God has wrought in my own life and also pray for a few people. As I waited for them to contact me during the two weeks I was there my heart was filled with compassion. I felt the isolation and loneliness that some were experiencing, feeling distant from God. Father God's love began to take root in my heart for the people in this church. I realised that no matter who you are or where you are, traditional or not, pew or chair, sitting down or standing up Father God sees you, knows you and will come to you, especially if you ask Him to. 

Jesus said, If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him? (Luke 11:11-13)

There were earnest prayers to Father God asking for more of Him going up from some in the church in Copenhagen. He heard those prayers and responded. He is gracious! He will come when we ask, seek and knock. Nothing is too hard for Him, no one is unimportant, even if we find it hard to receive, in His mercy He will break through for us. I am blessed to now count some of the people of this church as my friends. We have a divine connection, now we can encourage one another and stand in one accord for God to send rain where there is dryness, to send His Spirit to revive and strengthen us all. It's just the beginning...let the floodgates be opened and times of refreshing come!

And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you. For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to him that knocks it shall be opened. (Luke 11:9-10)