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Decaf coffee anyone?

I was on the beach, spending time with God.  I sat in the sunshine contemplating His words while the beautiful ocean lapped at the shore under a cloudless sky.  As I finished journaling what He had spoken to me, I smelt coffee. I really like the smell of coffee, it was unmistakable, yet no one near me appeared to be drinking any. The aroma of the fresh brew was so strong, so distinct but then just as soon as it came, it was gone. The immediate thought that came was, have a decaf coffee. I don’t drink caffeinated drinks after breakfast but at that moment, I thought, how strange, I don’t even feel like having a coffee. But I felt God nudge me and say, go have a decaf coffee. 

I gathered my things and walked up the hill towards my hostel. I was walking past the only coffee shop I knew that served decaf coffee but still I had no desire to drink one. It just didn’t make sense. Then suddenly God said, someone in that coffee shop needs Me. I stopped in my tracks. Ah! There is the reason I needed to go in there. Why didn’t I just obey, without question, from the beginning! So I turned back and walked the short distance to the coffee shop. I ordered my decaf coffee and sat down, the only customer there. Two more ladies came in shortly after me but I didn’t feel God saying it was them I needed to talk to. I finished the delicious decaf brew and the little scrumptious cookies that came with it. It was a treat, even if I didn’t feel like it! I looked around again and asked God, who is it Lord? He said, its one of the staff, there’s a sick child. 
So I went over to the two lovely ladies that had served me and explained in my limited Portuguese that God had told me to come in and have a coffee there. I then asked if either of them had children, both said no, but one immediately added, I have nephews. I asked if any one of them was sick, she said, yes. She then proceeded to share with me that her little nephew, Nicholas, had a problem with his eye, it seemed serious from what I could tell. So I said, God knows and I believe He is going to heal him. As I said that, she began to cry. At that point more people were beginning to come into the cafe. So I said, can I pray for him? She nodded yes, unable to speak. So I held her hand across the counter and prayed a simple prayer. I wish I could’ve given her a hug then but I knew she was under pressure to serve the others, so I smiled and said, God bless you and left. 

I walked away with a certain spring in my step joyfully knowing that God was going to heal that little boy while also showing His deep love and care to an aunt that had been weighed down by the burden of sickness. 

I didn’t get an opportunity to ask after Nicholas until about three weeks later. His aunt smiled, recognising me as I walked in and after enquiring, she confirmed, yes, he’s better. Wow! And, finally, I got to give her a hug. All this and a lovely decaf coffee too. Extravagant love! I am so grateful to God for His love for us, not only that but His willingness to pursue us and reveal it. 

I hope in future to just instantly obey God when I receive His prompting. In this case I remember thinking, how expensive a decaf coffee was and that I really didn’t need one or fancy one. But my obedience was instantly triggered when God defined why I needed to go to the coffee shop. God could’ve just said, go to the coffee shop and pray for someone there. But He instead sent the aroma of coffee my way. The truth is there had been many an afternoon when I had wanted to have a decaf coffee. I was reluctant to buy one because it wasn’t a need to me, more an extravagance. But God wanted to show me that He doesn’t just love through me, He loves me.

 1 John 3:1 ESV See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are…

The lady in black

It was nearly midnight and our team were all together, ready to worship God and thereafter begin our regular 'red light outreach'. We did this each Monday and Friday night. It is my very favourite thing to do, to love the unloved. While we worship God and thank Him for His beautiful love and endless mercy, we also ask Holy Spirit to give us pictures or visions of people that we will encounter. Where God calls us, He always goes ahead and prepares the way with divine encounters. 

That night as I worshipped I had a picture of a woman dressed all in black. In the picture she had on a black crop top and a black skirt. My friend sitting next to me leaned over and said, did God show you a picture of a lady dressed all in black? I said yes, and she said, He gave me the same picture and told me He had showed you too. We were super excited! God spoke the same thing to two of us, surely this lady had a divine appointment with Father God! We set off for the red light zone, an avenue that ran alongside the beach, littered with among others, prostitutes, pimps, partygoers and tourists. Our group divided into teams, each group headed to different parts of this notorious area. My group began to walk the avenue to look for those we had seen in the pictures God gave us. One of my friends said, Nikita, is that her? And as I looked in the direction he indicated, I saw her. She was dressed exactly like God showed us. I knew instantly in my spirit, it was the woman that God wanted to love on that night, through us.

My friend and I set off to talk to her. There she was, beautiful on the outside but so broken on the inside. She was sitting at a table, part of an al-fresco restaurant set up in the middle of the avenue. I kneeled beside her and asked her if she wanted prayer, she immediately said yes. I began to pray and she began to cry. As I prayed, God showed me in a vision that the circumstances in her life had been overwhelming her. In the vision, she was swimming and a strong current pulled her under and a wave swept over her. At the moment she was completely underwater, a huge hand came and drew her out of the water, it was Jesus. I shared this with her, and asked her if it was true of her life right now, she said yes and began to cry even more. Then she told me she had had dream a few days before that was the exactly the same as the vision as I had just had. So we asked her if she would like to invite Jesus' to come into her life and help her, she said yes but wasn't ready to commit her life to Him. I asked her if she'd like a hug and again she cried and said, yes, I was just telling a friend that I really need a hug. I put my arms around her and held her, her body shook so much. I held her for as long as she needed, I could feel God's embrace of her through my arms.

She gave us her number and asked us where we were based, she wanted to keep in touch with us and even come to visit with us. We were so encouraged by this. So we said goodbye after praying for her friend too, for whom God also faithfully gave us words of knowledge. 

A week or so later, we visited with our new friend. She had invited us to come to her apartment. So off we went, three of us, all excited to see what God was going to do. When we got there we found our friend in severe pain. The doctor had diagnosed a respiratory virus and to top it off she also had asthma. She was really struggling to breathe. As we began to pray for her, God showed me in a vision, that she would be full of joy and well when she said goodbye to us that night. Then I knew, He was going to heal her. We prayed and the pain subsided a little but persisted. I was asking God what was needed. He said, I want to be her God, her Father, I want her to know My love. So I asked her if she was ready to invite Jesus into her life, she said, yes. As she surrendered herself to Him, made Him Lord and King over her life, received His mercy and forgiveness, she got healed. Suddenly, she could breathe. The pain had disappeared. She smiled. Our friend was totally healed, not just physically but also mentally, emotionally, spiritually as God, our Saviour, had come and made His home in her, she was not alone anymore. Now she could live free, with His help and grace. 

And true to His word to me, as we said goodbye to her, she was laughing and well. I am so in awe of our Father! I recall when I first met God, I was astonished by Him. First, because He is so beautiful. Second, because when He says, I love you, it changes everything. There's a deep knowing in your inner being that says, yes, it's the truth. And if you're willing, you can receive it with faith and live loved for the rest of your days, choosing never to act out of an orphaned heart again. He truly is a Father to the fatherless.

Father of the fatherless and protector of the widows is God in His holy habitation. Psalm 68:5

Hennan the humble

It was lunch time at the missions base. Even though I was physically hungry, I couldn't tear myself away from the intimacy that I was experiencing with Father God. I was just enjoying His sweet presence so much, He was feeding me with His joy. It was only a while later that I gathered my things and went downstairs to eat with the others. Most had already tucked into lunch so by the time I arrived, there was just rice and beans on offer. As these are some of my favourite foods I was happy with what I had but I made sure to scrape the wok that bore the tasty, leftover juices of chicken and veggies into my plate too. 

Just as I was about to take my plate of food to the lounge to sit and enjoy it, one of my friends, Hennan, came over to me. He took the chicken off of his plate and put it on mine. He said, you don't have any chicken, here's mine. 

I didn't need the chicken. It wasn't essential to my survival. It was an extravagance. What Hennan did was an act of extravagant love. He is my brother and that day, he made me feel so loved by his kindness, his simple willingness to share what he had. I hadn't missed out because I chose to spend time with God instead of go to lunch on time. The intimacy with Father that I had had earlier had by no means diminished, it just continued to flow, through others to me and through me to others. 

Hennan is a beautiful son of God. He is not a man of many words but when he speaks, it's valuable, worth listening to. He loves to laugh, he loves to worship God, he pours himself out for others, he truly represents humility to me. I count it a privilege to know him and call him my brother and learn from his example. 

Philippians 2:1-11

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

One day in the Favela

Joining with a team of fellow Jesus-lovers in Fortaleza, on the coast of NE Brazil, I came to be sitting on the floor of lovely home, very well kept and clean, in the midst of a favela. On the outside, there was a sudden scattering as policemen were performing drug raids, their rifles ready and pointing while others sat outside tiny dwellings staring vacantly surrounded by the smells of urine, drunken hopelessness and other things. Yet, in the very midst of this, my friend Natasha and I, sat on a pristine floor in a beautiful home of one of the families that were receiving God's healing love. This home was like a sanctuary, a place of peace where you could almost forget you were in the midst of such brokenness. We were made to feel so welcome by the lady of the house. I remembered her from the worship service on Monday night, at the prayer house around the corner. She had held eye contact with me for a while that night and I had wondered if God had an appointment for us for something deeper...and here we were, days later, in her home. 

I learned that she had been a prostitute and also a drug addict. I saw nothing of that former life in the beautiful, strong woman that sat with us that day in her pretty flowered dress. As we prayed with her, I asked Holy Spirit what He wanted to do for her. He led me to ask her if she had sickness in her body, she did, she had syphillis. Holy Spirit sometimes manifests Himself to me in a sweet presence. On that afternoon, I felt Him come with such peace, faith arose in me and I knew God wanted to heal His daughter. So we prayed a simple prayer. I asked if there was some way she could check if she was healed because I believed she was. The only way was through a blood test. Then we began to talk about other things like the audio bible that Natasha had brought with her as a gift. Illiteracy will not stop God reaching His beloved. 

We then talked about the many pictures and even a figurine of Mary, the mother of Jesus, in the house that God brought my attention to. It turned out that this beautiful daughter of God had not made Jesus the Lord of her life, with the understanding that He was the only way to the Father. John 14:5-7

Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.”

When asked if she wanted to invite Jesus in as Lord of her life, she immediately said, yes. Then we asked for God to fill her with His Holy Spirit which He did. There was joy! Great joy and such a sweet peace. Her husband who had been working a very long shift had fallen asleep on the carpet with the audio bible under his ear. It was a beautiful time. We we totally unaware that at the very same time on the outside, many shots were fired by police and fear ran rampant right on our doorstep. Natasha and I both, after learning of this, said, 'but we heard nothing, how strange'. It was like God had created an oasis for us in the midst of chaos, so He could speak without interruption to His beloved daughter.

A few days later, back at the missions base, Natasha came to me and said, Nikita, I have good news! I had no idea what she was going to say as there could be so many different possibilities. Then she said, the blood test came back and there's no syphillis! I whooped, I danced, I sang, we rejoiced! Not only that but the husband of the woman we had visited, had also had his blood tested and his results were clear too. So good! Our God is so good. This family's story is one of God's redemption. Their children have a better future ahead of them, a future of hope - not to barely survive in their own strength  - but with a living hope anchored in Jesus, the author and perfector of their faith, Who is their Strength. 

This family's door was opened to me that day because for years prior, the team that included faithful, patient Natasha, have served people in this favela. They have held on to the faith that says with God all things are possible and with His hope and strength they could indeed make a change, loving one person at a time, though one conversation at a time - giving their time, energy and attention. I honour them for their persevering faith in God. Thank you for faithfully serving me and others by translating what God spoke, speaking as His ambassadors. I love you all at Iris Fortaleza! 

One Life

I recall visiting the Netherlands in 2001 for the first time, I was part of a group on a European tour. It was there that I encountered formal prostituion, as a tourist attraction, in the famous red light district of Amsterdam. The girls standing or sitting, on display for all to see, on sale for anyone who had the money. When I could finally bring my eyes to look at some of their faces, I saw such incredible beauty, it took my breath away. Even then, in my B.C. days, as I call them, I felt such an awkwardness about these beauties standing in the red glow of lust. Some of them were so friendly, they smiled and even said hi. They weren't objects, they were human. Deep down in my soul, even though I left it unexpressed, I knew that these women did not belong there. 

Years later, my encounters with prostituion have zero awkwardness. Why? Because now in my A.D. days, I have Jesus Christ living in me. When He occupied the territory of my heart just over ten years ago, He drove out the spirit of lust that had controlled me for years, in my mentality, in my choice of relationships etc. I have tasted, through His sacrifice, a freedom I never thought possible, I didn't know existed until I met Jesus. His Holy Spirit taught me how to honour my body and also how to honour others. Now His love compels me to love and to love in such a way that people start to realise God is alive, He cares for me, He knows all about me, He's ready to help me. 

Our Father speaks in so many different ways, for me one of the ways He often speaks is through movies. So when I watched the movie Human Trafficking, it wasn't because I planned it, or even knew it existed. It was one night years ago, I sat on the living room floor of my cosy, comfortable cottage, on the border of England and Wales, and switched on the telly that something profound happened. I remember it so clearly. I was rocked out of my socks by the stunning reality that human trafficking was taking place in my day. Until that movie, I had no idea what it looked like to be a victim of trafficking. It was like the hand of God had reached into my hand and switched on the telly at that moment and the horror, in full colour, poured into my living room. It left me weeping aloud on the floor for hours. What can I do, what can I do God?, I cried through my snot and tears. In that moment, I would have instantly quit my job and run, run, run to the first opportunity in an effort to help any one I could, so overcome was I with a burning compassion to stop this ugliness. But it was not the time for me to go. When God spoke to answer my question, He spoke clearly and told me to sow financially into anti-trafficking work, He was specific to say into whom and how much. I love this about God, He is specific! 

The hunger to be on frontlines fighting alongside other Jesus-lovers against trafficking never left me. So fast-forward four or more years and I am with a team from Shores of Grace (www.shoresofgrace.com) on the northeastern coast of Brazil. This is a team of people from around the world that have fallen in love with God, then heard and obeyed His call to Brazil and particularly to end human trafficking. They're going to the root level, where poor families in drug-stricken favelas are fighting for their lives. As they go out in faith, God shows up, He builds friendships, He heals and He restores. This is the radical love of the Father on display, in our day. 

I joined the team for the red light outreaches too. It was happening, here I was fulfilling the desire that God birthed in my heart that night in the living room floor. The first girl I encountered was standing in the light of a corner shop, her eyes were those of someone trapped. We asked if we could pray for her and then God started to speak to me about what was happening in her heart. He showed me the pressure she was under and how she saw no way out. As I started to speak what I was hearing, the presence of God came and she started to tremble and cry. I held her then, in a long hug. I cried with her and told her that I loved her, my heart was consumed with love for her. It was intense yet at the same time I felt such a joy that she really encountered her true Father, maybe for the first time. The team has a relationship with her now and every time they see her, it gets deeper and I believe one day, she will believe and leave the streets for the life God destined for her.

On another night, I prayed for one girl who was soon getting off the streets and starting a day job! This was an incredible moment to affirm and really celebrate with this beautiful daughter of God, a whole new life awaited her. She said to us that she really didn't want to be there on the street that night, she wanted to be in her pyjamas on the couch, watching telly, safe in her home. Ah! We said, go home, you're free to go. Sometimes it's just hearing something, from someone else, that you already feel that lights the fuse of action.

Then straight afterwards her friend who was drunk said, 'Next time I'd like you to pray for me'. So I said, 'Let's pray now!'. As soon as I touched her hand, Holy Spirit gave me a word of knowledge, something about her I didn't know but God was revealing to me. As I spoke this out, revealing who God really created her to be, also prophesying that she was destined to work in social justice, a hope began to arise in her and she wasn't drunk anymore. At the end, she cried and said, 'That's exactly what I want for my life, I just talking to your teammate about it before you prayed for me'. My teammate laughed and nodded, he knew that God was doing what only God could do. She laughed as she said, 'I knew that you had something for me, that's why I asked you to pray'. The hunger for something of God was stirred in her heart when she witnessed the beauty of God's love expressed to her friend. I know she also felt Father's love as I held her and kissed her cheeks. That encounter was already prepared before the world began, it was just waiting for me to step into it. 

I have many other stories to tell of encounters on the streets, in the wee hours of the morning, when we get to pray, prophesy and hug the women selling themselves. God speaks specifically to each one, He reaches them as only He can but He chooses to do it through us. Imagine someone who has no hope of life ever changing that getting into a car in the dead of night with a stranger who will do who-knows-what-to-them, maybe even kill them, is the only option...experiencing God's love. Imagine what it feels like when you give this person a rose and tell them they're beautiful. Imagine when you start to speak about dreams they had as a little girl that only God knows but He's choosing to reveal that through you to them. That first hot fear that slides down a painted cheek speaks volumes. I believe that the fight against human trafficking, in whatever form it takes, starts with one life. One life believing it can bring the hope of salvation to another life. 

Jesus said of Himself, 'For the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost.' Luke 19:10. 

Hundreds of years earlier, the prophet Ezekiel prophesied, 'thus says the Lord God: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness'. Ezekiel 34:11-12. 

Paid in full

Approximately two weeks ago, as per my last blog, I was waiting on finances to pay for my food and board. It was a large sum of money that I had no way of acquiring except that God provided it for me. When I began my journey as a missionary in June 2013 God said don't ask for money, I will provide for you. So I waited. Some days my heart was at peace - usually when I remembered His goodness, other days I was in turmoil, feeling heavy under the burden of debt. But I realised soon after I wrote that last post that this wasn't solely about me trusting God but also about unity in the body of Christ. 

There was something greater being accomplished than I had realised. And when I had addressed the subject of unity that had been burning in my heart with the person with whom God had highlighted to me, I found a kinship and the same burning heart. It took a bit of courage to talk about what Holy Spirit was showing me and that boldness created an opportunity for the other person to also share. During our conversation, I felt a sweet relief come over me. I had been living under a tension that I just couldn't seem to shift and now it had just lifted off of me. The real issue was not the lack of finances. God had allowed the lack of finances to create a situation where we noticed one another to the extent that compassion flowed. 

We are not called to only acknowledge those who also believe in Father, Jesus and Holy Spirit as brothers and sisters. We are called to consider all who believe as members of one body, so that when one part of the body is hurting, the rest of the body pays attention. As we notice ourselves, God is calling us to notice each other. It doesn't take much to notice our own pain or our own problems because these things are our natural reality. But what is important to me is not necessarily important to you. 

So how do we notice what others are going through? Why would we even want to? Only you can answer these questions for yourselves. For me, the whole reason for being is my God. I want to get closer and closer to Him, I want to live like Jesus lived when He was on earth, this is the standard for my life. One of the things I love about His demonstrations of love is that it flowed from compassion, whether it was teaching, healing or eating with people. God identifies with our sufferings, He notices us, in detail.

Matthew 15:32 Then Jesus called his disciples unto him, and said, I have compassion on the multitude, because they continue with me now three days, and have nothing to eat: and I will not send them away fasting, lest they faint in the way.

Jesus prayed, John 17:20-23

“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.

We are called to be one, with God, with each other. That oneness is not opposed to an individual's uniqueness instead welcomes each unique individual, yet unites us. When we allow the love of God to flood our heart, mind, strength and soul as in the first commandment, something changes and we start to see like Him, to think with the sound mind of Christ, we feel as He does. Compassion is not something we have to pray for or desire, it comes in with the love of God. Compassion for the toe or the leg when you are the eye. Compassion for the heart when you are the lungs. Why? Because when one part hurts, the whole body is affected. We come alongside each other because we notice the other, we are driven by compassion to see the other edified, encouraged and to do all we can to remind them they are loved. Truly loved. 

This was what the lack of finances was all about. Once I had that pivotal conversation and we agreed to pray about things together, the next thing I knew, finances became available! A huge chunk of what I owed arrived. Such joy! I laughed with my friend at the timing, realising and celebrating the greater purpose of God and how very wise He is in how He brings about good for ALL of us. I'm so grateful for the provision, most importantly of unity, which is how I get financed to go, one listens and obeys, the other receives and goes. 

A couple of days later I checked my bank account and what was about 40 pence turned into 17 pounds. No one had deposited any money in my own account, the balanced just increased. I owed 20 dollars more and was able to pay it all. Glory to Father God for the great things He has done and is doing to bring us into the fullness of His answer to Jesus' prayer. 

Pay before you stay

I've been 'walking on water' with regard to my finances for a while now. You'd think I'd be a pro at it and even have learned to surf the waves under me by now. Yes, sometimes I do get to 'surf' those giant waves that threaten to overwhelm but I can only do that when I perceive what God is doing and I resist the temptation to step out of His peace. Then and only then, can I dance on the wild waters with Jesus and take delight in just knowing He's right there with me. But there are other times, when the circumstances are different but the subject is the same, finances. Sometimes I take my eyes off God. This is when my peace leaves and the financial burden weighs heavily on me, making it impossible to keep my head above water.

During this threat of drowning, I feel desperate, I need air. I ask myself if I have been obedient in sowing my first fruits of all that God has graciously given me before this. I start to plead with God to send the finances I need. I cry. I repent. I ask for a picture so I can gain some insight into what God is doing. And shortly afterwards, if I don't believe the picture I get, I start feeling desperate again and soon I am drowning in self pity. I've spent a few days in this state this week. What I noticed so clearly this time when I said, Holy Spirit, I need you, was NOT the thick, sweet presence of God that wipes out all desperation and restores peace instead He brought to mind the latter days of my mission in Bolivia. This is what happened there.

I recall sitting outside a cafe I had previously visited, I sat just near enough to access their wifi but far away enough for them not to notice me. I had no money to go into the cafe to buy anything to legitimately use their wifi. That's the spot where I would check my bank balance day after day, hopeful that God would speak to someone to send me the finances I needed to book my flight. I could only be in Bolivia for 30 days and I had only 5 left until I had to leave. I also knew that before leaving I had one more thing to do in another city before my mission was over. That also involved buying a flight. So each day I would go to that spot outside the cafe, in hope, to check my bank account but nothing happened until...one night, about 3 days before I had to leave, there appeared £500 in my account! I had to look at the balance for a while to believe it was there but it really was. God can shift things in the blink of an eye. Oh how sweet is the obedience of the saints! How sweet the faithfulness of God. 

That's what Holy Spirit brought to my mind this week. As I thought about it, I could see myself sitting on that step that night, rejoicing that God had once again, provided so perfectly for not just one but all my flights as well as the accommodation I and my friends needed in the coming days. 

This time the circumstances are different but the bottom line is I don't have the money to pay the required fee for where I am staying/eating. It was supposed to be paid before I arrived. As I was preparing my application to come here, money arrived, then as I was being interviewed, more money arrived. God was clearly moving on my behalf to provide the money for the flight here. There was also such peace in my heart, so I came by faith, knowing somehow God would provide what was needed, after all He never leaves anything undone, He finishes all that He starts. To add to that, the people expecting me were so gracious, absolutely clear about my financial position but yet welcoming me in spite of it. 

I was excited about this new mission and I was doing OK, beleiving the money would come soon, but then a few days went by with no sign of anything happening. The crunch came when I was approached for the money and I had to say, I don't have it. Then I started to think, what must they think of me? I started to get uncomfortable. I like neat things, if the fee is required before I come, it should be paid before, not during, not after. I like following the rules, I think there's honour in that, and also off course there's peace in it. I like it and frankly so do the people who are expecting to be paid. So here I am, 6 days in, a bit embarrassed and not a little bit concerned about the next time I am asked the same question, when will you pay?

As I write, the money still has not manifested. But more importantly something has happened to my heart. I'm not intimidated anymore, the big waves (outstanding finances) are no longer standing like a black wall of water ready to overwhelm me. I'm remembering what God did before. I know and have seen that time and time again He has supplied my needs, as I follow Him and live out this crazy adventure with Him. He knows what is required, He isn't delayed or holding back. Holy Spirit our Comforter has comforted me with testimony of Father's goodness and reminded me also, not to fear man: what others think or say or more importantly what I am IMAGINING they are thinking or saying (not that anybody here is saying anything negative about me, in fact, they are amazingly gracious to me!) I'm so grateful to people in the body of Christ that are willing to walk in faith like this with me, being patient and gracious as they also wait on God alongside me. 

I thank God that in the waiting, He transforms our hearts, renews our minds and because of that we get to trust Him more, because every time I get to walk on water with finances I realise He really is a good, good Father. God's heart and character are exposed when we choose to trust Him in trials, once exposed, it's contagious and hope flows from you to another. 

Where does my help come from?

I had arrived in Rio de Janeiro, a city I had dreamed of seeing for many years. The bus journey from São Paulo was a treat, as I got to see the beautiful Brazilian countryside in comfort. 

Now we were stuck with others in city traffic staring at the nearby bus terminal. At this point I sat on the edge of my seat with a very full bladder. I was grateful for the on board toilet but honestly didn't want to be jerked around mid-pee when the bus took off. So I waited, hoping we would soon be at the terminal and within a few minutes, we were. 

As soon as I could, I headed straight to the 'sanitárias' but there was a man behind a desk expecting a fee for a pee. I had used the last of my cash to buy lunch so...I raced off with my bags to the upper floor to find an ATM. Unfortunately the only ATMs in the terminal were the ones that charged a very expensive fee for foreigners like me to have the privilege of withdrawing cash. I then looked for other sanitárias on the upper floor and they too charged. Oh why didn't I use the toilet on the bus?? So I gave in and used the ATM. I got the cash and headed to the nearest sanitárias on the mezzanine level. There were two ladies behind a desk but no turnstiles. I walked past with all my bags, looking at them as I went and they didn't stop me. I had to leave my big bag outside the cubicle as it was impossible to fit everything in. Everyone I knew in Brazil said how dangerous Rio was and to be careful, be careful, be careful. But my most important priority was not my big bag but my bursting bladder. So I asked God to take care of my bag that I had parked just outside the door of the cubicle. If someone decided to walk off with it, well...God had me covered and I would have to choose to trust in Him and pee in peace. Nothing happened to my bag. I washed my hands (you'll be glad to know) and then headed out, past the two ladies at the desk who still weren't expecting any money. There is such a thing as a free pee! At this point I had such a joy in my heart that God was watching over me and helping me each step of the way that the £6 fee I had to pay to use the ATM stopped bothering me. 

My phone charger had stopped working the day before and my battery was rapidly running out. So on my way out, I looked around the terminal for a new cable. I had paid Rs.15 for the one that broke and off course I expected higher prices in Rio but when I saw the marked price of Rs.78, it shocked me. So I thanked God that He would help me get a new cable somehow and went to find the metro station. I looked expectantly for signs pointing to the metro except there is no metro station, in or anywhere near the grand bus station I had arrived at. 

The taxi would cost Rs.64 to get me to my hostel. I took a step away from the girls in their stalls flogging taxi services and tried to figure out what to do. I remembered the hostel had offered a pick up service and tried to find their email to see what they had charged but I couldn't and off course I needed to conserve what battery life I had.  I turned around then, believing in my heart, there must be a way and there in front of me was the tourist information desk. I asked what my options were and found that I could take a bus for Rs.16 that would also accommodate my big bag, such good news! So I happily went off to find the blue cubicle from where the blue buses departed. As I enquired about my bus in my terrible Portuguese, a lady standing nearby heard me and started a conversation with me in perfect English. She spoke to the bus company on my behalf and checked that I had the right bus and helped me to know where to get off etc. and she also asked for help to get my big bag loaded on the bus. I was so grateful to have some help! We all waited in the thick humidity for the bus driver to arrive until the kind English-speaking Portuguese lady asked me if I would like to share a taxi with her and another. It cost the same as the bus and we would get there quicker she explained. Isn't God good! We loaded up the taxi with our stuff and set off. What I didn't realise at that point was how long it would've taken on the bus, probably at least 2 hours, not including the walk to my hostel from wherever I was dropped off. 

The taxi driver, in conversation with the lady sitting next to me, asked what I did for a living. My new friend told him that I was a missionary. I understand a little Portuguese so I understood what he said next...a missionary, what kind of missionary?  He kind of scoffed and laughed asking that question, almost like, really?! So my friend said, I don't know, you'll have to ask her. Earlier on, when she had asked me the same question, I had explained a little of my life. So she shared with the taxi driver what I had said which was that I pray and ask God where to go and that's where I go. The driver said, I would like her to hear God for me. So I responded in Portuguese, you can hear Him too. They were surprised that I had not only understood but had also responded, so we had a laugh together and I was dropped off right on the street I was staying. In parting, I said to the taxi driver, Deus te abençoê, a blessing which he happily received and I set off, with a grateful heart, to find my hostel, only a short walk away. 

I had a chat to the very helpful guy at my hostel reception about buying a phone cable and after walking around that first night could only find one that cost Rs.99. So I decided to wait until the next day when the market stalls were open. I found one for Rs.30 and it works perfectly. 

I was so very grateful for so many beautiful things in such a short space of time, the beautiful , comfortable bus ride to Rio, my free pee, access to cash, the taxi ride that cost me less than a third of the original price, meeting helpful people who spoke English and being able to buy a new cable. Being in Rio de Janeiro, a place I had long dreamed of visiting. I thank You Father for being in the details of my life, for helping me in each step and also for being able to even write this testimony as an encouragement to others. 

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.

The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Locked in to His goodness

I didn't sleep very well last night and when everyone in my dorm room was stirring this morning, I was still in a dream state. But there was too much commotion to keep dreaming so I woke up, bleary eyed and went to my locker. I have been using my combination lock to secure my locker and I usually put it in the same place each time I open my locker. But this morning, in my half awake state I had clearly put it somewhere different. I was looking forward to going to church this morning, especially since I found a  service in English and it was within walking distance. But after searching hurriedly I still couldn't find my lock. 

I finally used the padlock on my suitcase but it was too small so I couldn't really secure my locker. I was puzzled as to where the combination lock might be but I had a choice, to either miss the first part of the service or trust God to protect my belongings. I chose the latter and raced off to find the Anglican Church a few blocks from my hostel, leaving the open padlock in place to give the appearance of being secure. I got to the church a little late but didn't miss much. It was such a joyful, relief to be able to attend an English service as my last one had been 6 months ago in the UK. I didn't have to concentrate on the words or try to figure out what was being sung or said, I could just enjoy it. Then as I looked around at the stained glass windows there was a South African flag, among others, with the sunshine streaming in behind it. I felt at home. I've been in South America for most part of the year and between Spanish and now Portuguese I have rarely spoken much English. So for me there's something freeing about being in a place where you can fully understand the language and express yourself in equal measure. It was a beautiful service during whcih I asked God to lead me to someone whom I could bless in some way. There is not much of a gathering in Brazil if there's no cake, so afterwards I was invited to join everyone for coffee and cake and got to meet some really genuinely, lovely people, mostly British who live, work and worship in Brazil. Then my opportunity came to bless and I got to pray for a couple and share some testimonies of God's goodness with them. 

I walked back to the hostel with Christ the Redeemer in the background and a song in my heart. I didn't have any fear that the belongings in my locker would be stolen even though I knew that if anyone was serious about taking my stuff they'd only have to try the padlock I placed carefully on the latch of my locker to know it was there just for show. So I returned with peace in my heart and found all my stuff just as I left it. Father is so good to us! He takes care of every detail. So I began my thorough search through everything and still I couldn't find the combination lock. It was a mystery and I thought wow, I must've been really sleepy when I unlocked my locker this morning to have completely mislaid it. I wondered if the hostel may be able to help me with a padlock, so I explained to Yasmin, the very helpful girl at reception that I'd lost my lock, but she said that they didn't have any locks to sell me. 

But even if they did, the padlocks cost 20 reals which I didn't have. So I asked God to show me where my lock was as the disappearance still puzzled me. I sat down in the sunshine to write and a few minutes later Yasmin appeared with my combination lock in her hand. My room is on the top floor and I climb three flights of stairs to get to there. How the lock ended up near Yasmin on the ground floor, I have no idea but I'm sure God has a pretty good idea. 

I'm on a journey of learning about God's goodness, I've been asking Him to expose His goodness to me and in these moments of restoration I get to see my Dad's excellent, glorious, abundant goodness. 

Thank You Daddy God for restoring to me what was lost. Whoever is reading this, I pray the same journey of discovery for them, may they get to see Your goodness too and be restored in all areas on their lives. Amen. 

Bank on Him

It was a sunny, winters day in Cochabamba, Bolivia. I took a leisurely stroll to the ATM letting the sunshine warm me up. My plan was to get some cash and find a wifi spot. I pulled open the glass door of the ATM hut and opened my wallet, but on this day my bank card was missing. Normally at a point like this, my heart would beat really fast and there would be some unease or even mild panic but I felt peace. There is very little in my small wallet, my drivers license, my bank card, a sticky note and some cash if I have it. I looked through everything, then again. Still no bank card. I looked through my bag; I tried to think if I had put it in one of my pockets or if it simply fell somewhere. Yet the whole while this incredible peace stayed with me. I quickly returned to my friend's apartment at which I was staying and went through all the contents of my bag and wallet again, still no bank card. 

Retracing my steps, I knew the last time I had used my bank card was on Sunday. It was Tuesday. 

The ATM I had used was not connected to a bank building but was situated with other ATMs near a hotel. I remembered clearly getting the cash and putting it into my wallet but couldn't remember anything about replacing my card into my wallet. The ATMs in Bolivia are not the kind that immediately return your card to you once the cash is dispensed. So I had been careful to check on prior occasions if had put my card back into my wallet before leaving the ATM. But clearly the last time I had not checked. I had to stop myself from feeling stupidly careless for too long. I repented to God for not taking better care of my card then set about thinking about what to do next. 

The worst case scenario was that I would need a new bank card, considering my bank is in the United Kingdom, that was not going to be easy but I knew that whatever happened God would work it all out because my peace remained steadfast. I had wished my friend was home so I could ask her to help me but instead I wrote her a note to say, I had lost my bank card and would be out looking for a wifi spot so I could alert my bank.

As I opened the door to the elevator, there was my friend. I quickly explained what had happened and she said, well let's go to the bank and ask them if they have your card. I didn't think that this was an option. But I knew that the timing of meeting my friend in the elevator was so perfect, I just couldn't ignore that. Thankfully, God faithfully brought to mind exactly which ATM I had used and that particular bank was just around the corner from us so off we went to calmly sit in the waiting area enjoying the bank's bottled water until our number was called. My friend explained in beautiful Spanish what the problem was and we were told that all cards retained by ATMs are collected and sent to the central office, in the city centre. So even though the particular ATM I had used was close they couldn't help me. As we walked back towards the apartment, I asked my friend if she would come with me to the central office and she said yes, let's go now. So we hailed a 'trufi' (a taxi service working numbered routes that carry several passengers at one time making it cheaper to travel) and within a few minutes we were in the centre asking for directions to the bank. On entering we were sent straight to the desk of a most beautiful administrator who kept the cards retained by ATMs. She said, there are two possibilities, your card could have been stolen by someone, if not, it could have been retained by the ATM. If the latter is the case, we will only receive the card on Friday which is when all cards arrive here. It was Tuesday. That meant waiting almost four days to know whether or not they had my card and taking a chance of not reporting my card lost until Friday.

Or, the beautiful lady said, we could open that particular ATM for you now but that will cost 100Bs. All I had was 10Bs. Even if I could access my bank account I still wouldn't have that much, so off course that was not an option. So we left, with the helpful lady's contact details so we could call her on Friday. 

As we left, my friend asked me, how do you feel? What do you want to do? I took a deep breath. I knew I had to leave Bolivia in about 5 days. I was only allowed to stay in the country for 30 days without a visa. Before leaving Perú for Bolivia, I had asked Holy Spirit if I should get the extra 60 day stay and He had said no, which I had peace about. So here I was knowing for sure that I needed a miracle, as even if my bank in the UK sent me a new card, it would take longer than 5 days to arrive if it arrived at all. So I told my friend that I felt such peace even though it was quite difficult situation. As we walked I leaned into God, eager to hear what He had to say about all this. I longed to be able to get online so I could check my bank balance. My friend had an errand to run in the city centre, she happened to go to the very place in town that had free wifi! There was no movement on my bank account, the balance remained the same as before, this was good news. I tried calling my bank using the free wifi but the call just wouldn't work, I gave up after a while. I have to say, it was comforting to have someone with me through this tough day and it was such a treat when my friend bought me an ice cream especially since neither of us had eaten lunch. Then as we left, I said in my heart, God I trust You for a miracle and He said, I have your card in My hand. 

So each day until Friday arrived, I heard a voice saying, you should be panicking; what if the ATM hasn't retained your card? How will you access cash? How will you travel to the next destination? You should report your card lost, it's foolish not to. I realised that the devil was tempting me to step out of faith and out of God's peace into turmoil. I had to resist giving attention to these questions, I pictured my blue bank card in the palm of God's hand and as soon as I did that, peace flooded my mind and silenced the questions. James 4:7 says, submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you. It works! 

Thankfully I have wonderful people around the world who pray for me and with me and one of my closest friends, not knowing what God had said to me, after praying for me, sent me a message saying, I believe, God has your card in His hand. Confirmation! Woohoo!

As I contemplated my situation, I gave thanks to God that I wasn't on my own, He had provided friends to help me, to pray with me. He had provided a safe place for me to stay and food to eat each day, all my needs were met and the things I was most grateful for was His abiding presence and peace, so that I could continue with my purpose in each day without being distracted by the missing bank card. 

Then Friday arrived. I heard Holy Spirit say go the bank at 3pm. So I carried on with my day ministering and praying. Around 1pm my friend rang the bank but no one answered, she said it's better to call after lunch and before I knew it, it was 3pm. I told my friend that I would be going to the bank then and she said, I'll come with you. So off we went and as we left the gate my friend starting walking to the bank around the corner, I on the other hand went to call a trufi to take me to the centre. I explained that I needed to go to the central bank to see if my card was there. I would have liked my friend to come with me but I knew that God was talking to her and I didn't have to ask. My friend came with me and we sat again in front of the very beautiful lady, I produced my passport and she began to look through a much larger collection of cards than she'd previously had. I watched her look through the cards one by one, she stopped at a blue one but passed it by but I knew that was the blue of my card. As she put it on the desk, I saw the name of my bank and pointed delightedly at it saying, that's mine. I was so joyful! God had ensured that my card was retained and had kept me in such perfect peace throughout the four days of waiting. I was glad my friend was right there with me to share the joy of God's goodness. 

That peace I had surpassed all natural understanding, it's the kind of peace that comes when you're trusting God and what He says, instead of going with your natural instinct and understanding. It's a peace that cannot be fathomed or conjured up. That peace only comes from the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ through the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. I'm so overjoyed that my carelessness is not counted against me, I am forgiven. Our God is for us not against us.

Testing through testimony

I was chatting to a friend recently, relating a wonderful testimony of how God set someone free from an addiction to drugs. As I was personally involved that journey to freedom, with no previous experience of how to help someone with an addiction, the only thing I could do was rely on Holy Spirit to lead me step by step; day by day and God faithfully brought freedom.

I really enjoy sharing testimonies of how I've seen God work in some really tough situations. Sometimes the circumstances are such that it seems freedom (from drugs, depression, pain, stinking thinking etc.) is impossible, but in the end, for all who are willing, He brings sweet freedom. So when I relate these beautiful life experiences, I get various responses. 

On this occasion with my friend, the response was, drugs are terrible. Yes, off course, they're right, drugs are terrible but this friend missed the point entirely. What is the point? That with God's help addictions can be broken, He is not only able but also willing to set us free*. 

Often just by a person's response to a testimony, their heart condition is revealed. In this case, my friend was focused more on the drugs and the evil of it instead of on the other much better part of the story, that freedom came and a life is changed. The heart in this instance is focused on the wrongs of this world, it is swallowed up in the bad news of life which we can find plenty of everywhere. Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard what we store in our heart: keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flows the springs of life. Off course we are not to live in ignorance of the state of this world but that is not to be our focus. What we focus on we become. So when we are focused on God hearing a testimony of His goodness will catapult us into joyful thankfulness and spur us on in our faith in Him to face the next seemingly impossible situation with a sure hope. 

Sometimes people react with, that's great for you but God doesn't work like that for me. What kind of heart condition is this? It's one of disappointment, in God. Once this disappointment settles into a regular thought pattern it becomes a stronghold of the mind and leads to hopelessness. We become convinced that God has abandoned us, He does wonderful things for others and blesses them but He doesn't love us. I have personally been in this pit of disappointment, I call it a pit because it's a dark, lonely, unhappy place. The only way I came out of that pit was to:

FIRST, ask for prayer from others and confess my heart condition. Accountability is a gift available within the body of Christ. I've learned that what you bring into the light is much easier to deal with whereas unspoken, negative thoughts hidden in the darkness of the soul can cause continuous torment. James 5:16 says, therefore confess your sins one to another and be healed, for the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 

SECOND, is to realise that there's some stinking thinking going on. If we believe in a good God Who doesn't change and has no favourites, then we need to question what we are thinking and not just allow any and every thought to take centre stage on the platform of our mind. God knows our weakness and in His mercy He speaks through Paul in 2 Corinthians 10:5, 'we destroy arguments and every lofty opinion that raises itself against the knowledge of God and take captive every thought to obey Christ'.

THIRD, is to go back to the place of disappointment and examine what happened. I ask Holy Spirit to work with me and show me where I went wrong. Proverbs 13:12 says, Hope deferred makes the heart sick. It's not merely the delay in the thing we hope for that makes our heart sick. It's when we lose hope in God altogether that our heart gets sick. Jesus called Holy Spirit our Comforter and He also called Him, the Spirit of Truth, what I found is that He comforts us with the truth. That's why Jesus said, you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. The truth brings clarity and peace. 

And still there are others, when hearing a testimony, that react with, that's great. They're smiling and nodding in all the right places and then I see them walk away with an emptiness. They have not allowed the testimony of God's goodness to impact them. Why? Off course there isn't just one answer to this question. But from experience I can point to one, no personal encounter with God. I'm not talking about someone who is not a believer. This is often someone who professes a faith in Jesus Christ as their Saviour; prays; reads the bible and probably goes to church regularly. But as yet has had no encounter with the Living God. 

Jesus did not only give His life for us, He lived on earth FOR us. He lived an everyday life, working, being a brother, son, student, friend etc. but He did it all by acknowledging that He could not do anything apart from His Father. His life is an example to us of what it can be like to live on earth as a human living fully out of a relationship with Father God. Jesus said, I only do what I see My Father doing. All of His thinking and doing came out of a relationship with His Father, Who is our Father. Jesus heard His Father's voice and conversed with Him, there was a relationship that involved encounter.  In this journey with a God Who is real, Jesus always points to Something greater, Someone greater, He has given us an invitation to know His Father like He did on earth, not just from a text or teaching, but from a real life personal encounter with a Living God that will change us forever. And once we've had one, we know that there is more that awaits, greater things are yet to come. 

A couple of days ago my friend and I were just about to sit down to lunch, as we prayed, I said, Holy Spirit come! We love You and we need You. And He came. He brought the sweet presence of Father God into our midst and such joy and love flowed from it. Within that, I had a beautiful vision and I saw my friend and I clothed in white robes dancing on the ashes of nearly dying fires situated in ruins. We had great joy as we danced on the ashes. God said to us, I am blowing on the fires, reigniting them and I am rebuilding the ruins, I am giving you beauty instead of ashes. That very morning, God has been speaking to my friend about being clothed in new robes, of which I knew nothing about. For my friend, who is learning about encounter, it was an incredible confirmation that God was indeed speaking and also that it was a new season of faith being reignited and rebuilding what lies in ruins (past situations of failure or disappointment being vindicated by God). What a beautiful encounter. How can we be satisfied without it.

Flushing joy

Isn't it a pleasure to be able to flush the toilet and not give a thought about whether there's water in the cistern? 

Before I went to India and Nepal two years ago I rarely appreciated a 'western style' toilet, that is one that has a toilet bowl, seat and a flushing mechanism. I just took it for granted and never considered it a luxury. It was when confronted with squat toilets (hole in the floor) that I started to be thankful for 'western style' toilets. I remember when our mission team was travelling and we would get really excited when on one of our toilet stops we found a western style toilet, I remember shrieks of delight. A friend of mine had sent me a surgical mask, more as a joke than anything else, at the start of that mission. It's the kind of mask that goes over your nose and mouth used by dentists and surgeons. When I first started using it to keep out the dust and pollution while on the road, one of my team laughed at me until...on our way to Delhi one evening we stopped at a gas station for a toilet break. The squat toilet stank so badly, I had to hold my breath but I couldn't do that for too long; hold up my trousers and balance myself over the hole in the floor, trying hard to avoid falling into it or into the stuff on the sides. I was again so grateful for the mask! And then the same teammate who laughed at me, asked, so where'd you get that mask? 

Moving on a couple of years later, and I'm in Peru sharing a western style toilet with about 14-15 other people and there's no running water. I am so grateful to actually have not just a hole in the floor but a toilet that flushes, except there's no water. When I first got to the house where I was going to live for four months taking care of 12 children, there was no running water for a week. It was just Yeny and I then and we used the water that was brought from the stream and stored in large buckets. We boiled water for a squat bath and filled the toilet by hand. It was not so bad with just the two of us. But when the children started arriving, it was different. We needed more water, more often. Cleaning teeth became a time consuming process that had to be supervised and assisted instead of something simple the children could do on their own. Then the water would eventually come on again and we'd quickly forget the hardships and joyfully get back to flushing! 

But the water would stop again and we were back to the stream to top up our buckets and bath the children. Washing the dirty clothes of at least 15 people by hand was not possible as we didn't have the amount of water needed to get it all done, so it just had to wait. Washing the dishes was another struggle, filling large jugs with water and using a cup to rinse off each item whilst trying to be wise with how much water we used. The children each had chores to do and one of them was to wash and dry the dishes, it was off course difficult for some of them to do it without running water. So I often stayed with them to show them how to do it and usually by the time dinner dishes rolled around I was ready to drop into a heap. 

One day I prayed and said God, we have no water, please help us. And He replied, you do have water, just not running water. I was struck by the reality I failed to see. Yes, we did have water, sure it wasn't coming through the taps for our convenience but we had the stream. I suddenly realised we often think, we have nothing, but having nothing actually means having NO THING. Having no water, means there is absolutely no water, no stream, no river, no reservoir. But we did have water. And though it was difficult to keep going to the stream, which was not as nearby as we would have liked, it was still accessible. Though we were not able to flush every time someone used the toilet (which made for some interesting smells) we could flush every now and then, which was better than no flushing at all. 

God was faithful in it all, maybe not in the way that I expected, but He never allowed us to be without any water. The water flowed again and even when I was in middle of my shower, standing there, shivering, praying for just a bit more water, I had peace. Whether it came quickly, in a matter of days or from the stream, there was water, somehow. 

Una mas...

I haven't written in a long while. So much has happened that it's hard to know where to start but I will refrain from trying to update you on everything all at once. Here's one story that has just popped into my mind that is definitely worth sharing...

For four months of this year I was a house-mom to 12 children in Peru. I started the mission with the kind of Spanish one picks up in Spain on work trips and short holidays. So I could say, 'una mas...gambas; cerveza; café" ...take your pick. I know what 'ensalada Rusa' is and can even manage a Catalan lisp - which outside of Catalonia is of absolutely no use. I could confidently ask and be asked, 'que tal?', (how are you?), alas my only response would have been, 'bien', whether or not I was bien. So really I had no idea how to speak European Spanish, never mind the Latin American version. 

I had a couple of days of cleaning and settling in before the first child arrived. My co-pilot was a lovely girl called Yeny, whom God had hand-picked to help me for the first two months. She was local and so thankfully could understand everything and teach me too. Yeny is just 21 and one of the most patient people I have ever met in my life. God always has the best plan! So there we were never having done this before; trying to get the house ready and communicate with each other, bit by bit, with my Lonely Planet dictionary to help. All the children had been sent to their communities for a time as the permanent house-parents were unable to care for them; due to the house-dad suffering a serious illness. So at the beginning of Feburary, Yeny and I, were expecting them back any day. 

And so it was that the cutest little 6 year old arrived, very shy and with matching dimples. Let's call him K for the purposes of this blog. Yeny and I were total strangers to him so off course he didn't take to us instantly but he obediently gave us a hug each when asked. I have to admit that little touch just melted my heart so it took quite a bit of restraint not to pick him up and cover him in kisses. That night was his first night back at the house but without his usual friends around him. But he seemed happy enough, chatting away with words I couldn't understand. That night he slept upstairs in the nearest possible room to me. Yeny explained to him that if he needed anything to call me as she would be sleeping downstairs. He was probably wondering why I didn't say much but just kept smiling all the time. 

That night we all said goodnight and I tucked him into bed. He said a few things to me and all I could do, again, was smile. I went to bed with all these unspoken words bursting out of my heart. Words of comfort, words of love and blessing, I had them all there, just not in Spanish. So I fell off to sleep, praying for little K. Then in the middle of the night, I heard this cry, over and over, 'Tia! Tia!' So I leapt out of bed and there was precious K, wobbly from sleep standing in the corridor and struggling with really itchy skin. I got some cream and led him back to his bed. As I applied the cooling cream to his legs I saw how he had been scratching himself, some parts of his skin were scabbed and some even bleeding a little. I applied some ointment too and just soothed him. He went back to sleep much quicker than I thought. I stayed there for a while just to be sure he was okay. He was so little, so sweet and already within a few hours had needed me to help him. I felt such a surge of love for this little boy then and I knew that even without Spanish, he understood that I cared for him and he could trust me to be there for him. 

I prayed over his skin that night and asked God to heal him and comfort him. He did not wake again but slept through the rest of the night and his skin has gotten better and better. So has my Spanish, or more correctly Castellano. God takes me to places where I have no ability or skill and then He gives me the ability so I can testify to His glory, that indeed all things are possible with God. 

I learned about each child and their backgrounds as time went on. Precious K came from a broken home, his mother had a new partner who didn't want K around and his biological father didn't want him either. He is such a beautiful child, so valuable, thoughtful and sensitive. I could not and still cannot understand it. But I can say without a doubt, God has a plan for K. Father God has not abandoned him but made a way for him to grow up in a new home with a host of beautiful brothers and sisters, where he is loved; taught; nurtured and valued. And I, Tia Nikita, got to be a part of that for a little while, what a privilege.

So later on as I rapidly learned more Castellano, thank You God, K and I enjoyed great conversations as I tucked him in each night. We had many laughs and cuddles and I could say to him, 'te amo mucho', (I love you very much) as often as I wanted to. 

I miss him with all my heart.

One piece at a time

Sometimes I have an inkling of something in the future, I get a flash of something and then just as suddenly as it came, it's gone. Then it might come again, at a different place and time, and again it's just a momentary thought, picture, colour or word and then it's gone. For example, I was browsing through the newspaper on July 17th, 2015 in Toronto, something I rarely do, but in that day as I walked into the kitchen there the newspaper was seemingly beckoning me. I just started to flick through and as I did I spotted an advert that drew my attention. I couldn't tell what it was about this advert, simply that it witnessed in my spirit as something of value. On a blue background stood big bold letters, BUFFALO NIAGARA, I had no idea what exactly that meant but I took a photo of it and carried on with my day.  

God is speaking to us; sometimes it's a clear, understandable picture and sometimes He gives us what I call puzzle pieces. I imagine the complete picture of my life, in the highest heavens, before Father. The whole picture is formed, each piece in its perfect place, even the thousands of blue sky pieces and the pieces detailed with fine blades of grass, each piece intentionally crafted and fitted together, beautifully, patiently. As I walk with Holy Spirit hand-in-hand on earth, listening (sometimes more alert than others) He drops these pieces one by one into my spirit. It may come via a prophetic word from someone else; as I soak in Father's presence; as I flick through the newspaper or as I read the bible, literally in a myriad of brilliant and wonderful ways. But I'm learning that the new piece may not relate to the last piece I got! It may be connected to something in the picture of my life that I am still totally unfamiliar with. The truth is we only see in part and at that one part at a time. 

But what happens when we get a puzzle piece that is altogether unfamiliar...

Are we open enough to receive it? 

Do we receive it - write it down, store it up in our heart like Mary?

Do we test it to see if it really is God speaking?

Not all things we hear or see are from God, it is therefore wise to test all things. I have been learning how to test what I receive. One way is through having the witness of God's peace. The peace of God through the Holy Spirit is of great value to me and I admit I simply cannot live or make decisions without it. Another test is, does what I hear align with God's Word. Is what I'm hearing in agreement or disagreement with the Word of God (the bible) as interpreted by the Holy Spirit. Thirdly, I also ask Father to confirm that what I have seen, heard or felt was of Him and I wait on His confirmation. If it is Him, He will surely confirm His word. He may sometimes repeat what He showed the first time round, in exactly the same way or at other times He shows me the same thing only in a different way, like through dreams. Confirmation also comes from other people, most especially those I am accountable to. These are people whom God has divinely connected me to. They know my character and are familiar with my day-to-day walk with God. They are not just good friends but will also fulfill a mentor type role and provide counsel to me through Holy Spirit. For me, walking in intimate fellowship is essential to hearing God and being affirmed in what I discern. 

In October 2015, as I was preparing to leave Canada at the end of my mission, I was asking 

God where next. All through that summer He had given me the word 'Buffalo', which mostly came through other people. When a close friend in another country prayed for me, all they kept getting from Holy Spirit was 'buffalo', this happened about three times, to the extent of even seeing buffalo grazing in a field as she drove past one day, which is a rare thing for her country. She couldn't understand what God was saying but as soon as she share it, I instantly felt in my spirit, it is Buffalo, NY, USA. 

Then one Autumn day just as I entered another friends home in Toronto, her phone rang and the person on the other side, had just been to visit, none other than, Buffalo, NY. Again, in that moment I felt a witness in my spirit, a sudden burst of YES, God is speaking right here, right now and great peace accompanied it. So I began preparing to go to Buffalo, NY. 

God had confirmed that I was to stay at a hostel, when I searched in the web for places to stay, the very first link that came up was a hostel called none other than BUFFALO-NIAGARA. The memory of that advert sprang up in my mind as Holy Spirit instantly reminded me of that photo from July. I looked at the photo with great joy, the puzzle was coming together and I knew that this hostel is where I was to stay. Off course, it turned out to be a divine appointment and a few perfectly timed encounters awaited me there. 

Proverbs 25:2 says it is the glory of God to conceal things and to the glory of kings to search things out. This means get your spiritual archeology kit out and sift, brush and dig patiently for the hidden treasures that lay waiting for you. Again in Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and hidden things that you have not known. Father gives us one piece at a time, waiting for us to call upon Him to help us receive our puzzle piece with wisdom and discernment. He waits for us to draw close to Him, with neither assumption nor presumption. He will help us to know the timing of what we see and to know that His plans for us are good. 

As we draw closer to Him, we see more of His character unveiled. Each piece of the puzzle reveals His faithfulness, His goodness, His character, His will. That's the whole point isn't it? What we search for and spend our time looking at, we will become. If it's Him we look for, He promises to conform us into the image of His Son.

2 Corinthians 3:18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Let's be expectant to hear Him and receive each masterfully created puzzle piece with gratitude and enjoy building the picture of our destinies with Him.