Pay before you stay

I've been 'walking on water' with regard to my finances for a while now. You'd think I'd be a pro at it and even have learned to surf the waves under me by now. Yes, sometimes I do get to 'surf' those giant waves that threaten to overwhelm but I can only do that when I perceive what God is doing and I resist the temptation to step out of His peace. Then and only then, can I dance on the wild waters with Jesus and take delight in just knowing He's right there with me. But there are other times, when the circumstances are different but the subject is the same, finances. Sometimes I take my eyes off God. This is when my peace leaves and the financial burden weighs heavily on me, making it impossible to keep my head above water.

During this threat of drowning, I feel desperate, I need air. I ask myself if I have been obedient in sowing my first fruits of all that God has graciously given me before this. I start to plead with God to send the finances I need. I cry. I repent. I ask for a picture so I can gain some insight into what God is doing. And shortly afterwards, if I don't believe the picture I get, I start feeling desperate again and soon I am drowning in self pity. I've spent a few days in this state this week. What I noticed so clearly this time when I said, Holy Spirit, I need you, was NOT the thick, sweet presence of God that wipes out all desperation and restores peace instead He brought to mind the latter days of my mission in Bolivia. This is what happened there.

I recall sitting outside a cafe I had previously visited, I sat just near enough to access their wifi but far away enough for them not to notice me. I had no money to go into the cafe to buy anything to legitimately use their wifi. That's the spot where I would check my bank balance day after day, hopeful that God would speak to someone to send me the finances I needed to book my flight. I could only be in Bolivia for 30 days and I had only 5 left until I had to leave. I also knew that before leaving I had one more thing to do in another city before my mission was over. That also involved buying a flight. So each day I would go to that spot outside the cafe, in hope, to check my bank account but nothing happened until...one night, about 3 days before I had to leave, there appeared £500 in my account! I had to look at the balance for a while to believe it was there but it really was. God can shift things in the blink of an eye. Oh how sweet is the obedience of the saints! How sweet the faithfulness of God. 

That's what Holy Spirit brought to my mind this week. As I thought about it, I could see myself sitting on that step that night, rejoicing that God had once again, provided so perfectly for not just one but all my flights as well as the accommodation I and my friends needed in the coming days. 

This time the circumstances are different but the bottom line is I don't have the money to pay the required fee for where I am staying/eating. It was supposed to be paid before I arrived. As I was preparing my application to come here, money arrived, then as I was being interviewed, more money arrived. God was clearly moving on my behalf to provide the money for the flight here. There was also such peace in my heart, so I came by faith, knowing somehow God would provide what was needed, after all He never leaves anything undone, He finishes all that He starts. To add to that, the people expecting me were so gracious, absolutely clear about my financial position but yet welcoming me in spite of it. 

I was excited about this new mission and I was doing OK, beleiving the money would come soon, but then a few days went by with no sign of anything happening. The crunch came when I was approached for the money and I had to say, I don't have it. Then I started to think, what must they think of me? I started to get uncomfortable. I like neat things, if the fee is required before I come, it should be paid before, not during, not after. I like following the rules, I think there's honour in that, and also off course there's peace in it. I like it and frankly so do the people who are expecting to be paid. So here I am, 6 days in, a bit embarrassed and not a little bit concerned about the next time I am asked the same question, when will you pay?

As I write, the money still has not manifested. But more importantly something has happened to my heart. I'm not intimidated anymore, the big waves (outstanding finances) are no longer standing like a black wall of water ready to overwhelm me. I'm remembering what God did before. I know and have seen that time and time again He has supplied my needs, as I follow Him and live out this crazy adventure with Him. He knows what is required, He isn't delayed or holding back. Holy Spirit our Comforter has comforted me with testimony of Father's goodness and reminded me also, not to fear man: what others think or say or more importantly what I am IMAGINING they are thinking or saying (not that anybody here is saying anything negative about me, in fact, they are amazingly gracious to me!) I'm so grateful to people in the body of Christ that are willing to walk in faith like this with me, being patient and gracious as they also wait on God alongside me. 

I thank God that in the waiting, He transforms our hearts, renews our minds and because of that we get to trust Him more, because every time I get to walk on water with finances I realise He really is a good, good Father. God's heart and character are exposed when we choose to trust Him in trials, once exposed, it's contagious and hope flows from you to another. 

Where does my help come from?

I had arrived in Rio de Janeiro, a city I had dreamed of seeing for many years. The bus journey from São Paulo was a treat, as I got to see the beautiful Brazilian countryside in comfort. 

Now we were stuck with others in city traffic staring at the nearby bus terminal. At this point I sat on the edge of my seat with a very full bladder. I was grateful for the on board toilet but honestly didn't want to be jerked around mid-pee when the bus took off. So I waited, hoping we would soon be at the terminal and within a few minutes, we were. 

As soon as I could, I headed straight to the 'sanitárias' but there was a man behind a desk expecting a fee for a pee. I had used the last of my cash to buy lunch so...I raced off with my bags to the upper floor to find an ATM. Unfortunately the only ATMs in the terminal were the ones that charged a very expensive fee for foreigners like me to have the privilege of withdrawing cash. I then looked for other sanitárias on the upper floor and they too charged. Oh why didn't I use the toilet on the bus?? So I gave in and used the ATM. I got the cash and headed to the nearest sanitárias on the mezzanine level. There were two ladies behind a desk but no turnstiles. I walked past with all my bags, looking at them as I went and they didn't stop me. I had to leave my big bag outside the cubicle as it was impossible to fit everything in. Everyone I knew in Brazil said how dangerous Rio was and to be careful, be careful, be careful. But my most important priority was not my big bag but my bursting bladder. So I asked God to take care of my bag that I had parked just outside the door of the cubicle. If someone decided to walk off with it, well...God had me covered and I would have to choose to trust in Him and pee in peace. Nothing happened to my bag. I washed my hands (you'll be glad to know) and then headed out, past the two ladies at the desk who still weren't expecting any money. There is such a thing as a free pee! At this point I had such a joy in my heart that God was watching over me and helping me each step of the way that the £6 fee I had to pay to use the ATM stopped bothering me. 

My phone charger had stopped working the day before and my battery was rapidly running out. So on my way out, I looked around the terminal for a new cable. I had paid Rs.15 for the one that broke and off course I expected higher prices in Rio but when I saw the marked price of Rs.78, it shocked me. So I thanked God that He would help me get a new cable somehow and went to find the metro station. I looked expectantly for signs pointing to the metro except there is no metro station, in or anywhere near the grand bus station I had arrived at. 

The taxi would cost Rs.64 to get me to my hostel. I took a step away from the girls in their stalls flogging taxi services and tried to figure out what to do. I remembered the hostel had offered a pick up service and tried to find their email to see what they had charged but I couldn't and off course I needed to conserve what battery life I had.  I turned around then, believing in my heart, there must be a way and there in front of me was the tourist information desk. I asked what my options were and found that I could take a bus for Rs.16 that would also accommodate my big bag, such good news! So I happily went off to find the blue cubicle from where the blue buses departed. As I enquired about my bus in my terrible Portuguese, a lady standing nearby heard me and started a conversation with me in perfect English. She spoke to the bus company on my behalf and checked that I had the right bus and helped me to know where to get off etc. and she also asked for help to get my big bag loaded on the bus. I was so grateful to have some help! We all waited in the thick humidity for the bus driver to arrive until the kind English-speaking Portuguese lady asked me if I would like to share a taxi with her and another. It cost the same as the bus and we would get there quicker she explained. Isn't God good! We loaded up the taxi with our stuff and set off. What I didn't realise at that point was how long it would've taken on the bus, probably at least 2 hours, not including the walk to my hostel from wherever I was dropped off. 

The taxi driver, in conversation with the lady sitting next to me, asked what I did for a living. My new friend told him that I was a missionary. I understand a little Portuguese so I understood what he said next...a missionary, what kind of missionary?  He kind of scoffed and laughed asking that question, almost like, really?! So my friend said, I don't know, you'll have to ask her. Earlier on, when she had asked me the same question, I had explained a little of my life. So she shared with the taxi driver what I had said which was that I pray and ask God where to go and that's where I go. The driver said, I would like her to hear God for me. So I responded in Portuguese, you can hear Him too. They were surprised that I had not only understood but had also responded, so we had a laugh together and I was dropped off right on the street I was staying. In parting, I said to the taxi driver, Deus te abençoê, a blessing which he happily received and I set off, with a grateful heart, to find my hostel, only a short walk away. 

I had a chat to the very helpful guy at my hostel reception about buying a phone cable and after walking around that first night could only find one that cost Rs.99. So I decided to wait until the next day when the market stalls were open. I found one for Rs.30 and it works perfectly. 

I was so very grateful for so many beautiful things in such a short space of time, the beautiful , comfortable bus ride to Rio, my free pee, access to cash, the taxi ride that cost me less than a third of the original price, meeting helpful people who spoke English and being able to buy a new cable. Being in Rio de Janeiro, a place I had long dreamed of visiting. I thank You Father for being in the details of my life, for helping me in each step and also for being able to even write this testimony as an encouragement to others. 

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.

The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Locked in to His goodness

I didn't sleep very well last night and when everyone in my dorm room was stirring this morning, I was still in a dream state. But there was too much commotion to keep dreaming so I woke up, bleary eyed and went to my locker. I have been using my combination lock to secure my locker and I usually put it in the same place each time I open my locker. But this morning, in my half awake state I had clearly put it somewhere different. I was looking forward to going to church this morning, especially since I found a  service in English and it was within walking distance. But after searching hurriedly I still couldn't find my lock. 

I finally used the padlock on my suitcase but it was too small so I couldn't really secure my locker. I was puzzled as to where the combination lock might be but I had a choice, to either miss the first part of the service or trust God to protect my belongings. I chose the latter and raced off to find the Anglican Church a few blocks from my hostel, leaving the open padlock in place to give the appearance of being secure. I got to the church a little late but didn't miss much. It was such a joyful, relief to be able to attend an English service as my last one had been 6 months ago in the UK. I didn't have to concentrate on the words or try to figure out what was being sung or said, I could just enjoy it. Then as I looked around at the stained glass windows there was a South African flag, among others, with the sunshine streaming in behind it. I felt at home. I've been in South America for most part of the year and between Spanish and now Portuguese I have rarely spoken much English. So for me there's something freeing about being in a place where you can fully understand the language and express yourself in equal measure. It was a beautiful service during whcih I asked God to lead me to someone whom I could bless in some way. There is not much of a gathering in Brazil if there's no cake, so afterwards I was invited to join everyone for coffee and cake and got to meet some really genuinely, lovely people, mostly British who live, work and worship in Brazil. Then my opportunity came to bless and I got to pray for a couple and share some testimonies of God's goodness with them. 

I walked back to the hostel with Christ the Redeemer in the background and a song in my heart. I didn't have any fear that the belongings in my locker would be stolen even though I knew that if anyone was serious about taking my stuff they'd only have to try the padlock I placed carefully on the latch of my locker to know it was there just for show. So I returned with peace in my heart and found all my stuff just as I left it. Father is so good to us! He takes care of every detail. So I began my thorough search through everything and still I couldn't find the combination lock. It was a mystery and I thought wow, I must've been really sleepy when I unlocked my locker this morning to have completely mislaid it. I wondered if the hostel may be able to help me with a padlock, so I explained to Yasmin, the very helpful girl at reception that I'd lost my lock, but she said that they didn't have any locks to sell me. 

But even if they did, the padlocks cost 20 reals which I didn't have. So I asked God to show me where my lock was as the disappearance still puzzled me. I sat down in the sunshine to write and a few minutes later Yasmin appeared with my combination lock in her hand. My room is on the top floor and I climb three flights of stairs to get to there. How the lock ended up near Yasmin on the ground floor, I have no idea but I'm sure God has a pretty good idea. 

I'm on a journey of learning about God's goodness, I've been asking Him to expose His goodness to me and in these moments of restoration I get to see my Dad's excellent, glorious, abundant goodness. 

Thank You Daddy God for restoring to me what was lost. Whoever is reading this, I pray the same journey of discovery for them, may they get to see Your goodness too and be restored in all areas on their lives. Amen. 

Bank on Him

It was a sunny, winters day in Cochabamba, Bolivia. I took a leisurely stroll to the ATM letting the sunshine warm me up. My plan was to get some cash and find a wifi spot. I pulled open the glass door of the ATM hut and opened my wallet, but on this day my bank card was missing. Normally at a point like this, my heart would beat really fast and there would be some unease or even mild panic but I felt peace. There is very little in my small wallet, my drivers license, my bank card, a sticky note and some cash if I have it. I looked through everything, then again. Still no bank card. I looked through my bag; I tried to think if I had put it in one of my pockets or if it simply fell somewhere. Yet the whole while this incredible peace stayed with me. I quickly returned to my friend's apartment at which I was staying and went through all the contents of my bag and wallet again, still no bank card. 

Retracing my steps, I knew the last time I had used my bank card was on Sunday. It was Tuesday. 

The ATM I had used was not connected to a bank building but was situated with other ATMs near a hotel. I remembered clearly getting the cash and putting it into my wallet but couldn't remember anything about replacing my card into my wallet. The ATMs in Bolivia are not the kind that immediately return your card to you once the cash is dispensed. So I had been careful to check on prior occasions if had put my card back into my wallet before leaving the ATM. But clearly the last time I had not checked. I had to stop myself from feeling stupidly careless for too long. I repented to God for not taking better care of my card then set about thinking about what to do next. 

The worst case scenario was that I would need a new bank card, considering my bank is in the United Kingdom, that was not going to be easy but I knew that whatever happened God would work it all out because my peace remained steadfast. I had wished my friend was home so I could ask her to help me but instead I wrote her a note to say, I had lost my bank card and would be out looking for a wifi spot so I could alert my bank.

As I opened the door to the elevator, there was my friend. I quickly explained what had happened and she said, well let's go to the bank and ask them if they have your card. I didn't think that this was an option. But I knew that the timing of meeting my friend in the elevator was so perfect, I just couldn't ignore that. Thankfully, God faithfully brought to mind exactly which ATM I had used and that particular bank was just around the corner from us so off we went to calmly sit in the waiting area enjoying the bank's bottled water until our number was called. My friend explained in beautiful Spanish what the problem was and we were told that all cards retained by ATMs are collected and sent to the central office, in the city centre. So even though the particular ATM I had used was close they couldn't help me. As we walked back towards the apartment, I asked my friend if she would come with me to the central office and she said yes, let's go now. So we hailed a 'trufi' (a taxi service working numbered routes that carry several passengers at one time making it cheaper to travel) and within a few minutes we were in the centre asking for directions to the bank. On entering we were sent straight to the desk of a most beautiful administrator who kept the cards retained by ATMs. She said, there are two possibilities, your card could have been stolen by someone, if not, it could have been retained by the ATM. If the latter is the case, we will only receive the card on Friday which is when all cards arrive here. It was Tuesday. That meant waiting almost four days to know whether or not they had my card and taking a chance of not reporting my card lost until Friday.

Or, the beautiful lady said, we could open that particular ATM for you now but that will cost 100Bs. All I had was 10Bs. Even if I could access my bank account I still wouldn't have that much, so off course that was not an option. So we left, with the helpful lady's contact details so we could call her on Friday. 

As we left, my friend asked me, how do you feel? What do you want to do? I took a deep breath. I knew I had to leave Bolivia in about 5 days. I was only allowed to stay in the country for 30 days without a visa. Before leaving Perú for Bolivia, I had asked Holy Spirit if I should get the extra 60 day stay and He had said no, which I had peace about. So here I was knowing for sure that I needed a miracle, as even if my bank in the UK sent me a new card, it would take longer than 5 days to arrive if it arrived at all. So I told my friend that I felt such peace even though it was quite difficult situation. As we walked I leaned into God, eager to hear what He had to say about all this. I longed to be able to get online so I could check my bank balance. My friend had an errand to run in the city centre, she happened to go to the very place in town that had free wifi! There was no movement on my bank account, the balance remained the same as before, this was good news. I tried calling my bank using the free wifi but the call just wouldn't work, I gave up after a while. I have to say, it was comforting to have someone with me through this tough day and it was such a treat when my friend bought me an ice cream especially since neither of us had eaten lunch. Then as we left, I said in my heart, God I trust You for a miracle and He said, I have your card in My hand. 

So each day until Friday arrived, I heard a voice saying, you should be panicking; what if the ATM hasn't retained your card? How will you access cash? How will you travel to the next destination? You should report your card lost, it's foolish not to. I realised that the devil was tempting me to step out of faith and out of God's peace into turmoil. I had to resist giving attention to these questions, I pictured my blue bank card in the palm of God's hand and as soon as I did that, peace flooded my mind and silenced the questions. James 4:7 says, submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you. It works! 

Thankfully I have wonderful people around the world who pray for me and with me and one of my closest friends, not knowing what God had said to me, after praying for me, sent me a message saying, I believe, God has your card in His hand. Confirmation! Woohoo!

As I contemplated my situation, I gave thanks to God that I wasn't on my own, He had provided friends to help me, to pray with me. He had provided a safe place for me to stay and food to eat each day, all my needs were met and the things I was most grateful for was His abiding presence and peace, so that I could continue with my purpose in each day without being distracted by the missing bank card. 

Then Friday arrived. I heard Holy Spirit say go the bank at 3pm. So I carried on with my day ministering and praying. Around 1pm my friend rang the bank but no one answered, she said it's better to call after lunch and before I knew it, it was 3pm. I told my friend that I would be going to the bank then and she said, I'll come with you. So off we went and as we left the gate my friend starting walking to the bank around the corner, I on the other hand went to call a trufi to take me to the centre. I explained that I needed to go to the central bank to see if my card was there. I would have liked my friend to come with me but I knew that God was talking to her and I didn't have to ask. My friend came with me and we sat again in front of the very beautiful lady, I produced my passport and she began to look through a much larger collection of cards than she'd previously had. I watched her look through the cards one by one, she stopped at a blue one but passed it by but I knew that was the blue of my card. As she put it on the desk, I saw the name of my bank and pointed delightedly at it saying, that's mine. I was so joyful! God had ensured that my card was retained and had kept me in such perfect peace throughout the four days of waiting. I was glad my friend was right there with me to share the joy of God's goodness. 

That peace I had surpassed all natural understanding, it's the kind of peace that comes when you're trusting God and what He says, instead of going with your natural instinct and understanding. It's a peace that cannot be fathomed or conjured up. That peace only comes from the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ through the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. I'm so overjoyed that my carelessness is not counted against me, I am forgiven. Our God is for us not against us.