Ice Cream & Lightning

When I first watched the promo video for the Women on the Frontlines conference (held at the Angelus Temple in Los Angeles, California) I was in our living room in Cape Town, South Africa. Immediately, a great anticipation arose in my heart, I started to tremble with excitement. Then Deb and I watched it again together and she too knew, Holy Spirit was inviting us to go this conference, an unprecedented encounter with the Living God awaited us, a baptism of fire. 

How would two full time missionaries fund a trip from Cape Town to Los Angeles? The truth is we can't. We can't pay for anything, we take each step by faith. What does that practically look like? Good question. Deb and I pray and ask Holy Spirit what He wants us to do, He responds by giving us pictures (we see these pictures in our imaginations), it could be a colour, a word, a scripture, a song, a vision, a date, it could be anything, nothing is beyond His use. We compare notes and when we are in tune with Him, we hear Him saying the same thing to us albeit in different forms. If we don't understand the picture we ask Him to interpret it for us. 

We then have a choice to believe Him or not. We choose to believe what He says is the truth. Jesus called Him, the Spirit of truth. 

John 16:12-15

I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come. He shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine, and shall show it unto you. All things that the Father has are mine: therefore said I, that he shall take of mine, and shall show it to you.

Once we receive our confirmations of Father's will we then start to thank Him in faith for those things to manifest on earth as it is already in heaven. We call forth things that are not as though they are. (Romans 4:17). We thank Him for the promise, the finances to enable us to go where He calls us to go, the provision of our bread, water, electricity, bed and clothes and we thank Him for choosing us to go and represent Him. We try to endure in this attitude of thanksgiving. Sometimes the excitement of the initial promise starts to fade as day after day passes and there's no sign of finances, not a penny. We have learned to ask Holy Spirit the question, WHEN. If it is necessary for us to know when, He will share with us. But mostly He is more focused on building an ability in us to endure in faith and helping us to maintain a posture of thanksgiving in all things and through all things.

These are some of the questions I tend to ask myself whilst my endurance is being built: 

Do you believe God speaks to you?

Do you believe you can hear Him?

Do you believe what Holy Spirit said (e.g. about going to Los Angeles)?

Do you believe Father is faithful to fulfill all He speaks?

Do you believe that He is delaying things to torment you? 

Do you really believe God is good all the time and in all things concerning you?

Do you believe that you are loved even in the waiting?

This list is by no means exhaustive. As I ask each question Holy Spirit witnesses to the truth and brings me scripture as well as reminders of Father's previous faithfulness to me. Because we have a tendency towards forgetfulness, He is graciously prompt at reminding us of the many miracles we have already partaken of. As I reflect on the last few times He provided or even on my salvation and the miraculousness of it, my heart is stirred towards Father. I am again refreshed in my awe of Him, knowing that if He hadn't come into my life, I would not be here, I would certainly not be writing this.

As the minutes, hours and days go by waiting for the promise to manifest, we bring our minds back to the present, to fulfill the purpose He has called us to, TODAY. We are learning not to live too far in the future and miss the present goodness of God in the land of the living. We can abide in Him today, for this moment and the ones to come. Afterall, He is eternal in nature and believing in Him and all He is in this moment means we believe for everything eternal to be manifested on earth in its appointed time. David said, 'my times are in Your hands'. Our belief is timeless in its nature because the God we believe in is timeless. So when we continue to believe Him we lock onto His eternal nature for what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal. 

(2 Corinthians 4:18). 

Once Deb and I sense our present season coming to a close, we start to wrap up, release all we have done and rest in Him. We go back to Holy Spirit and ask Him to show us another piece of the puzzle, to paint more of the picture forming on the canvas. If we are not in right relationship with Him, e.g. if there is any fear or unbelief in us it hinders us seeing and hearing Holy Spirit. When this happens we stop and ask Him to show us what is causing the jam in the signal. He faithfully does. We repent and deal with it and move on. We then hear again and begin to prophetically declare His will as He shows it to us. Peace settles over us as we give over to His will and timing. Frustration tries to poke its head through the door, so does impatience and pride (thinking we know better than God as to when and how things should unfold) among other things. Each time, Deb and I have to be accountable to one another and to God and deal with each thought and conflict of thought as it comes. With each challenge we are being changed more and more into who we are created to be.

Suddenly, a call or text comes through from someone, saying, God has spoken to me and told me to send you a sum of money or a stranger gives us money. Excitement and celebration break out! The manifestation of the promise has begun. Sometimes only a fraction of the money needed comes in. Sometimes all of it. Sometimes half. In everything He is working all things for our good and again building in us an enduring faith. Before you know it, we're booked to fly from Johannesburg to Los Angeles via Hong Kong with a few hundred dollars to spend over nearly three months. What?! Are you girls crazy?! Yes. Crazy in love with our faithful Father.

Standing in the line (that went around the front, the side, through the parking lot and then the back of the building) to register for the Women on the Frontlines conference (to receive our coloured wristbands that don't wear out in the shower) we could hardly contain our excitement, we just wanted to get into the Angelus Temple and feast on God. For three days we worshipped and learned from faith filled men and women about their journey, their testimony of His goodness, about the cost of the narrow way. We cried with them, we laughed and we sang, interceded, danced and feasted. We felt like royalty called together as one body, each different, yet one in God, to build up one another in love. We heard of babies being rescued from human trafficking in Thailand and beyond, we heard of pastors being raised up in India, in the midst of great difficulty, schools and safe places for orphans being built, we heard testimonies of healings and salvations across prisons in America from Katie Souza, we heard from Joan Hunter about revival breaking out in Haiti and again of miracles of healing there. We prayed for those involved in media and heard of the attack of the enemy on those called to the media gate, we raised up a shout of victory in the heart of Los Angeles to invade that gate and take the territory for the Lord. We heard from Joy Dawson on how to relax in God just 'like a poached egg', Joy was a joy to listen to, what a privilege to sit at the feet of this incredible general of God who served The Lord via YWAM for many years, 89 and still going strong. We learnt from her that partial obedience and delayed obedience were in fact disobedience. We learnt that the sin of presumption (as referred to by David in Psalm 19:13) often hinders us from being in God's perfect will. She spoke the Truth and He set us free, we love you Joy Dawson!

Then on that last day, we went wild! I danced and worshipped to my heart's content and beyond. There was a lady next to me worshipping her heart out too. We looked at each other and laughed with joy, we embraced one another as old friends do, the tenderness of Father's love evident in our words to each other, she encouraged me and I in turn encouraged her with words of knowledge and prophecy. We agreed, oh how beautiful the bride of Christ is when she knows she is loved! I don't even know her name but we agreed, we will see each other again...at the marriage supper of the Lamb. 

As Heidi Baker prayed for us all on that last evening together, she asked Holy Spirit to come and baptise us, release Your fire, she said. And He did pour out His electric glory over us in wave after wave, the sound of worship was heavenly, the cry of each heart louder than ever before, panting like the deer for Him, the Love of our lives. It was uncontainable. I felt such love from Father holding me close, I received a kiss from Holy Spirit and I danced with Jesus. Any attempt to speak was unsuccessful. All I could do was laugh and sweat or more elegantly, glisten, from the heat of His presence. 

When we eventually emerged from the Angelus Temple (a historic site of revival and worship built by another general, Aimee Semple McPherson) stumbling ungracefully out into the night, me grinning from ear to ear swimming in the depths of electric love, Deb gushing tears of 'I'm so loved I can't express it any other way' all we could do was continue to love on people lingering outside. Songs and words of knowledge poured forth. That night I felt like I had eaten the best vanilla ice cream with bits of lightning love in it. Ever tried it? 

Not what I expected but better than I ever thought possible

As I sit in the Californian sunshine writing this l marvel that I am actually here in the United States. From Cape Town to Johannesburg to Los Angeles to Redding (Northern California). In Feburary 2013, I heard the voice of the Lord say it was time to resign from my long term job. I had no savings, I drove a company car and I had to move out of my beautiful rented cottage. But the peace I had when His voice came never departed, it was constant, holding me steady as I navigated an unknown road with faith. In June that year I became a full time missionary, my long time heart's desire was fulfilled. 

Little did I know what me being a missionary would actually look like. I had heard of missionaries, of their incredible enduring faith, their hardships, them seeing extraordinary miracles and of hundreds even thousands hearing the gospel through them and being encountered by the Living God. Like anything we aspire to do, we tend to romanticise it a little. That's not to say that I was thrown into the deep end and swept away by my naïveté. All the years of working a desk job, sowing where God showed me to and enduring through trials in the wilderness had prepared me to walk on water once I stepped out of the boat. When God calls you to go, He knows the work He has done in you that has sufficiently prepared you to launch out even if you don't feel ready. We are never ill equipped but we are well equipped to confidently move out of the old and into the new, leaving behind the old wineskin that was sufficient for the previous season. 

I just didn't expect to encounter the kinds of trials that I did and as quickly as I did. So when the first one came it was a great shaking, necessarily separating any romantic notions from the purity of my purpose for that season. At the time I felt I was standing in a raging storm with waves churning around me, my first thought was, eject! Yet, that peace that I mentioned earlier remained. When I questioned if I had done the right thing being where I was, again God's peace filled me. So the choice was to endure or leave. I chose to stay and endure. What I found out was as difficult as the challenges were the joy and peace that accompanied them overflowed. As I listened for Holy Spirit's guidance and followed it, sometimes thankfully against my better judgement, I started to see fruit, much fruit. Our prayers were being answered, a friend in our midst gave their life to Jesus. The mission was being fulfilled, shifts we saw in the heavenlies were manifesting in the earth before our eyes even though the trials remained. We got spoiled by little breaks here and there, a lovely couple offered us their home as a place of rest, it was a peaceful and beautiful place and we so enjoyed it there. We were blessed with a two week holiday travelling to London, Liverpool and Wales. We ate heartily, we cooked for others, we prayed and prophesied. As we abandoned ourselves completely into His capable hands, we found we could enjoy Jesus' abundant gift of life fully in the midst of great trials, knowing finally that the trials were perfecting not destroying us.

When you rely on God for everything, everything He does is miraculous. You start to become grateful for water, air, electricity, every morsel of food, transport, fuel, shampoo and toothpaste, you get the picture. You start to see the reality of His hand in every detail, every day. So when He says, you're going to South Africa, Northern Ireland or the USA and you don't have any money, you rejoice as you are perfectly positioned for a miracle of provision because you have seen Him provide a car and a home when you didn't have one.  It has been more than a year since I earned a salary of any sort. It is not because I don't want to work or am incapable of holding down a job. It is because that is the season of life God has called me to for now. In that time I have not lacked for a thing. There have been times when the tap has been turned to full and the abundance gushes out over me. There have been times of collecting our daily manna, enough for that day. There have been times of leaness. But at all times, the peace has remained and I have learned to be content with the little and the much (Philippians 4:11-13). In all of it, I have grown closer to God than ever before. I hear His voice and in knowing I hear I have peace, in hearing I have more peace and in obeying I have complete peace. 

In this season, the Lord has said, sit at My feet like Mary and learn from Me. I remember walking through the forest in Wales that surrounded my beautiful cottage by the river Wye and listening to Kris 

Vallotton, Bill Johnson, Heidi Baker and others as I hiked the hills. I remember thinking how young Kris sounded and marvelled at his wisdom and the revelations he had from God. Then I realised he was way past his twenties (no offence Kris!) and had been journeying for years to garner the kind of pearls he shared with us. I heard about the Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry and my heart so deeply desired to partake of that. Was it too much to ask to go there? We've heard the scripture that nothing is impossible with God. We know that God aligns the desires of our hearts with His. But do we believe it? 

This week about seven years after I first started listening to Bethel podcasts, I got to see Kris teach in person. I got to hug Bill Johnson. I got to sit at the feet of Jesus and learn from the many excellent teachers at Bethel Church who have allowed their wells to overflow into streams of living water so those who hear are refreshed and changed to follow Him with more passion and hunger than ever before. 

Our needs are already met by God. Jesus said, our Father knows our needs before we ask (Matthew 6:24-34) . That does not mean we don't ask, just that we ask from a posture of thanksgiving being confident that we can trust Jesus, He is the Truth. The Truth sets us free. Now that that's settled we can be free to seek the purpose for this season and begin to enjoy fulfilling it, trials included.