A boundary: defined as a line which marks the limit of an area, a dividing line.*
Touching a hot stove (cooker) is not a good idea, it can be very dangerous, especially for little children. No wonder our parents set a boundary for us telling us not to touch it. A hot stove is off limits. We may not have understood at the time that the boundary was there to divide safe from unsafe (some of us may have learned the hard way and got burned) but as we grew older understanding came. When we are young boundaries are an absolute necessity. Compared to today's world, my parents were very strict and I had boundaries 'coming out of my ears'. But this week I wrote to my mom thanking her for my upbringing. I can't say I had an idyllic childhood, at times the boundaries were enforced through fear and intimidation. But Jesus has redeemed me so I have forgiven my parents and have been set free of fear; intimidation and performing for love, which means I can now enjoy the fruit of my parents' labour without hangups.
My mom and dad taught us to clean up after ourselves. It wasn't just a girls job to clean, every person in the house contributed to a tidy home. My parents worked full time to provide for us so we were called on to be responsible from an early age. The last thing my mom and dad wanted was to come home after a hard day's work to find a messy house. When I lived in shared accommodation I quickly learned that not everyone had the kind of boundaries I had growing up. So after a long day's work or time away you sometimes faced a sink full of dirty dishes, a brimming ashtray sitting on the table, a fridge stinking with expired food or even an unflushed toilet. I may not have liked boundaries too much when I was younger but as I have grown older I have come to see the value in them.
To solve the cleaning dilemma in shared accommodation there was often a cleaning rota. It was helpful but it didn't stop people creating a mess. Boundaries were necessary, these usually consisted of rules like, when you cook a meal: wash the pots, clean the cooker and surrounding areas or when you take a shower pull the shower curtain all along the bath so you don't flood the bathroom and take your hair out of the drain when you're done. These boundaries made the living space bearable for everyone. By living within these boundaries, we didn't just have a tidy home but I realise now we also showed honour and love for one another.
I've heard it said that believing in God is like abiding in a set of rules. Do this and don't do that. If that is how you look at Jesus, you'll soon be worn out trying to tick boxes. In my journey with Jesus He has never once wagged his finger or threatened me into obeying any rules. He never will. My Jesus is not a dictatorial God. If our parents told us to look before we crossed the road or not to play with matches they did it for our protection because they loved us. Jesus loves us and within His love are boundaries.
Before I knew Jesus loved me, I had no respect for my body. I wore clothes that revealed far too much, drank alcohol excessively, wore high heels that gave me cramps and wound up in dead-end relationships. That list is by no means exhaustive! I had no boundaries when it came to my body, I neglected it, persecuted it, damaged it and tempted with it.
Freedom within boundaries
Getting to know how deeply I am loved by Jesus has been a key to living a life of freedom. Freedom is not living however you want. Freedom is fearlessly living out the purposes we have been created for within God's boundaries. I have been purchased with the blood and body of Jesus, I am valuable, precious. What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. (1 Cor:6:19-20 KJV)
After I shower each morning, my prayer is, "Clothe me Jesus". He shows me what to wear for the day. I take pleasure in asking Him and He takes pleasure in clothing me. I am delighting in His boundaries for me, I know that wearing anything that dishonours Him is dishonouring myself and others. It is possible to dishonour others by what you wear. In the past, when I wore something revealing it was usually to court attention. But it attracted the wrong kind of attention. The thoughts that sprung up in the mind of men that looked at me were sexual in nature. I was manipulating their thoughts by what I wore. I tempted others to sin. As I write this I can hear some say, it is not wrong to think someone is attractive. There is a fine line between acknowledging God's beauty in someone and lusting after them. Jesus said this, Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Matt 5:27-28 KJV)
Boundaries are necessary whether we are young or old, inside the home and outside the home and have an integral part in healthy relationships.
Deborah and I really enjoy movies. In our friendship, there is a boundary on what we watch, we have agreed that we will not watch horror, violence, nudity or sex scenes. We know the effect of those kinds of movies on our soul and we agree where the boundary lies. If we're not sure, we ask God. Holy Spirit is faithful to answer when we ask. A little while ago as we prayed I had the word 'cinema' come up. Deborah had the exact same thought that day. But when we looked at the movies on the cinema circuit none seemed suitable so we wondered why we had heard that. Again, a little while later we heard 'cinema' and again we checked the listings but nothing suitable was showing. A while later talking to some friends, they told us about called Heaven Is For Real that was on circuit. Deborah and I had both read the book and we were really keen to see the film. We then understood that God was whispering 'cinema' to us to prepare us to go and see that movie. We did hear from God but we did not ask God when He wanted us to go to the movies. We had just assumed it was on the day we heard. We thank God for the boundary we have in place and because of it we were not tempted to watch something that had no blessing in it.
Another boundary we have is that we do not allow the use of sarcasm or mocking in our communication with each other. Again, we both know the damage those things do to ourselves and others so we have chosen to speak life instead of death (Proverbs 18:21). You may ask how we can have a sense of humour without sarcasm or mocking, it's easy: we've exchanged our corrupted sense of humour for Holy Spirit's wit. If we slip up from time to time we agree to keep each other accountable to the boundary we've agreed on.
Jesus created everything in perfection, He set boundaries aplenty...dawn marks the boundary of night just as dusk marks the boundary of day, He set the boundary of the waters and He set a boundary in the garden of Eden and told Adam and Eve not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil for they would surely die. Their rebellion has cascaded down the generations and is alive and at work in us when we have no regard for God's boundaries simply because we do not believe He loves us.
*Source: Oxford Dictionary
