Do my words matter?

We all say things that we regret, sometimes the words are out of our mouths so quick and the effect so harsh we can hardly believe we've said them. There is a saying in the world, "Time heals all wounds". Have you ever found this to be true? 

I've found over time it gets easier to forget the sting of the words and the emotions attached to the trauma of hearing hard words but is forgetting and healing the same?

The Miriam Webster dictionary defines healing as:

1) To make sound or whole

2) To restore to health

3) To cause (an undesirable condition) to be overcome

4) To patch up (a breach or division)

5) To restore to original purity or integrity

The word "heal", "healing or "healed" in Greek is "therapeuō", in the gospels it appears 44 times. The Blue Letter Bible gives the meaning of "therapeuō" as: 

1) serve, or do service

2) heal, cure, restore to health

Therapeuō is used in verses like: "And Jesus said unto him, I will come and heal him" in Matthew 8:7 (Jesus responding to the Centurion's request to heal his servant).

In 2000, I worked in financial services and was fortunate enough to work with a great team of people. One of them, Anthony*, became a very close friend. We hung out a lot after work and over the years we became much like family. One Friday, as we left work to enjoy the weekend, I said to Anthony, "I'll call you [over the weekend]." 

I remember the weekend only vaguely but I do remember spending it with my extended family, I probably had a great weekend, my family are great fun. 

So back at work on Monday morning, Anthony called me outside for a chat. We worked in a lovely, new building that had sweeping steps up to the entrance. So we stood on the first couple of steps in the sunshine, presumably out of earshot, and behold...a tirade of hurt and pain began to issue forth from my friend. I am not a morning person and was probably only just waking up mentally and emotionally at that time of the day. The words were like bullets straight into my heart. I was awake soon enough after that! In simple terms, my friend was hurt that I had said I would call and hadn't, "friends just don't treat each other like that". Anthony had an expectation of time being spent together and it had never materialised. My words that Friday were so casual, they just fell out of my mouth, "I'll call you." I probably had said it quite often without ever meaning it. I can say for sure that at that time I didn't feel responsible for what I said.The result of the tirade was that I immediately put up a wall to preserve myself from any more hurt, not surprising our friendship very soon fizzled away.

A few months later another colleague (also a good friend) and I were talking and she asked, "What if I say horrible things to you, will you cut me out of your life too?" She was crying as she asked me this because (now I realise) she felt fear that at any moment the axe would come down and we'd never see each other again. I assured her that it was different with her and I wouldn't cut her off. I had different standards for different friends. I felt justified in cutting off Anthony. The level of closeness we had justified my behaviour toward him, "such close friends just don't treat each other like that, so this is how I will punish him."

March 2006, Jesus Christ reveals Himself to me and there begins my journey of learning how to truly love.

Fast forward to 2012... I had heard that Anthony's parents passed away (I knew how close they were), it was an opportunity provided by the Holy Spirit. I got his postal address off a mutual contact and wrote to him. It was a long letter in which I tried to condense 12 years of my life, including explaining my new found freedom in Jesus. I apologised for ending our friendship so abruptly, I asked for forgiveness for the pain I had obviously caused. Not only did I cause pain by not living up to my words but I also caused pain by ending the friendship without any explanation. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Anthony received the letter on the very day he was in town for a quick visit (there are no coincidences). I received an email shortly afterwards, we were reconciled. Yes, he graciously accepted my apology but he wanted to know, why I had cut him out of my life.

In my ignorance, I did not want to dig up the ugliness so I was reluctant to tell him. But he pressed me. Why? Because the wound was still there, time had not healed it.  You see, he didn't realise that just as my words had hurt him, his words had equally hurt me. Protecting him (or myself) by not telling him why was not going to bring healing. Real love tells you when you're out of line, when your breath smells bad, when a booger hangs out of your nose...there is no fear in perfect love.

So I confessed to him how his words had hurt me and how my heart had put up thick walls of defence. Determined never to be hurt again, I did the only thing I knew how to do, I cut him out of my life. 

I can't change what I did, neither can he but that does not matter. After 12 years of living with wounds that time did not heal, in one moment, we had healing.
Confess your faults one to another and pray for one another that ye may be healed... James 5:16 (KJV)

December 2012... I had to attend a business dinner. My colleague offered to pick me up (we don't live very far from each other). I accepted the gracious offer and agreed a time to meet at my house. It was my last day at the office before I went on holiday so there were a few things I needed to sort out before going away, I worked much later than I intended to. I had also planned to drop off a gift at a friend's home before dinner. Time had run out...I had overloaded myself with things to do. I knew I wasn't going to make it home on time for my colleague to collect me. So I rang her to say I would go directly to the restaurant. Her mobile was switched off. I asked the Holy Spirit to help me, to get her to answer her phone. I must've tried 20 times. Then I really had no choice and drove home, even if I was late at least I'd be there. As I made my way home, as fast as I could down my narrow mountain lane, the Holy Spirit said to me, "You gave your word, mean what you say and say what you mean". I wept with gratitude. Thank God for His mercy in disciplining me so gently.

I made it home just before my colleague arrived. It was a pleasure to be driven.

Our words matter. There is only one Healer and He does not patch up; leave scars; "allow things to run their course",  or leave it to time (a dimension is submission to Him), He intentionally serves us with restoration, so we are whole again. And, out of the wholeness we have received, we speak words of life.

*Names changed