If you have never been on a Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) bus you may not, like me, know how to exit the bus. Unlike other buses I've travelled on, when you get to your stop, the double doors don't automatically open. The first time I wanted to exit at a particular stop, I stood at the double doors waiting and nothing happened. I was confused. I did everything I knew to do, I requested my stop by pressing the STOP bell and behold the bus stopped but the driver didn't open the doors as I expected and I missed my stop. Thankfully the next stop wasn't too far away and I exited through the front door like I saw some other passengers do. The next time I travelled on a TTC bus, I made sure to watch as passengers exited through the rear double doors. I learned that if you want to get out, provided the green light above the door is on, you have to push the doors open.
This feels like the most challenging season I've ever been in. I remember in the beginning praying relentlessly for a change, for an exit. I often go to the local library (thank God for libraries) where I do most of my writing and correspondence. I recall a day when I sat in my favourite chair and looked around the library searching for a sign of some kind to encourage me, my eyes fell upon a book titled EXIT PLAN. For a few moments, even for a day, it seemed there was an imminent release coming. That was months ago and I am still here. Does that mean the sign was false and my encouragement misplaced? With the help of Holy Spirit and hindsight, I can now say, assuredly no. I may not have understood the sign (the book title) at the time because I didn't take the time to pray into it, as in my desperation I interpreted it for what I wanted it to mean, a literal and imminent exit plan. Perhaps Holy Spirit was saying, there is an exit plan... from the wrong perceptions that keep you in desperation, just push through and you will see as I see and be delivered from the overwhelming desire to escape so you can blossom where I've planted you.
The good news is the desire to run from this season has left me. I am no longer desperate. I've learned that I need to push through to exit the bus and therefore get off at the right stop. A little while ago I was inspired by Holy Spirit to delve into Joseph's journey. I'm taking my time with it, lingering on aspects of his life that fascinate me, especially the glaring absence of any mention of sin in his life. It intrigues me that even when he was at his lowest (in the pit or in prison) there is still no record of him faltering in his faith in God. This spotless record is also true of Daniel and later Jesus, Who took on flesh for our sake and was tempted in every way, yet without sin. I believe Joseph (Daniel too) was a type of Jesus, a foreshadowing of things to come, after all everything in the Word points to Jesus Christ.
Some hold the view that in sharing the dreams God gave him with his family, Joseph was prideful. This is in contrast with my reflections which instead brought to light his naïveté.
Genesis 37:13 And Israel said unto Joseph, Do not thy brethren feed the flock in Shechem? come, and I will send you to them. And he said to him, Here am I.
If Joseph was operating in pride then surely he would not have so eagerly obeyed his father. Pride comes with friends like deceit and manipulation, and if Joseph was prideful he would have found a way to avoid going to his brothers because at the very least he would have known he was unwelcome and perhaps even in danger. In his naïveté, he went willingly. There is an interesting line in the song that King David sang as he worshipped God (when the Lord delivered him from his enemies and also from Saul), Psalms 18:26 with the purified You show Yourself pure...and again as Paul writes to Titus he says in Titus 1:15 To the pure, all things are pure, but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but both their minds and their consciences are defiled. I do not see pride in Joseph, I do sense some immaturity and yes the naïveté. I do not believe at the time he received them, he could interpret the dreams God gave him, perhaps if he could, he would not have shared them. But for me there is a clear thread through Joseph's journey, his heart remained pure. But how did he remain pure? How did he not become desperate and falter, thinking God had forsaken him? How did he push through the extremely difficult circumstances that arose when he finally found his brothers with the flocks?
Then God remembered Rachel and God listened to her and opened her womb. She conceived and bore a son and said, God has taken away my reproach and she called his name, Joseph, saying, may the Lord add to me another son*. The name Joseph as we know it is derived from Yasaph, meaning, 'the Lord adds and he shall add' or 'he increases' - it is a future continuous type of tense. Joseph was a miracle baby, even his name testified to that. He would have known from his mother, Rachel, how long she had waited for him, how she struggled through years of barrenness, praying until the Lord opened her womb. Joseph was the fruit of Rachel's labour (of faith and literally pushing through to deliver him) and God's favour. Joseph knew:
1) he was a miracle
2) his birth ushered in a new season for his family, Jacob's time of labouring for Laban was over**
3) that he was wanted and loved
4) that his name was significant, he was named to increase, to become great
How does this help us today:
We are miracles: John 1:12-13 But as many as received him, to them gave He (Jesus Christ) power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name: which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
One of the most beautiful aspects of the Kingdom of God is that nothing is random, everything has purpose. We have been chosen by God to live in this time, in this hour. We have been birthed miraculously (born again) by our Father God to live a life of purpose, taking pleasure in Whose we are and therefore who we are.
Our rebirth in God has ushered in a new season for our families:
From the testimony of Lydia and her household as well as that of the jailer in Philippi, I believe God's salvation through Jesus Christ is not just for one but for all in a household.
Acts 16:25-34 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds were unfastened. When the jailer woke and saw that the prison doors were open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself, supposing that the prisoners had escaped. But Paul cried with a loud voice, “Do not harm yourself, for we are all here.” And the jailer called for lights and rushed in, and trembling with fear he fell down before Paul and Silas. Then he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” And they said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” And they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their wounds; and he was baptized at once, he and all his family. Then he brought them up into his house and set food before them. And he rejoiced along with his entire household that he had believed in God.
Jesus is the firstborn among many brothers and sisters***, so are we who have been saved. The term firstborn, indicates there is more to be born, let us be encouraged as we wait in faith for our families to also know the Truth that sets free. In our acceptance of salvation in Jesus Christ, the Kingdom of heaven has come upon our families, our friends and our communities. Our faith in God for Him to do for our families what He has done for us is pleasing to Him, after all He has a greater desire to see our families saved than even we do.
We are wanted and loved: John 3:14-17 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: That whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved.
1 John 3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are...
We are not condemned, even when we mess up, even when in my desperation to exit this most challenging season, I embraced feelings of abandonment and rejection, still He did not condemn me. In His grace He allowed me to stay and push through so His character could be more fully formed in me. In His mercy, He forgave me.
We are destined for great things: John 14:12, Jesus said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.
What works did Jesus do? Preach the Kingdom of God is near; heal the sick; cast out demons; raise the dead, give sight to the blind; turn water into wine and many more. Why? To show us the love of His Father, who is now our Father. We can do all the things He did and more, we now have the authority and also the power of the Holy Spirit.
And what happens when we are in a season like mine when those works are not on the main menu, it may be on the specials board, but not on the main menu? A few weeks ago I went to a prophecy session at church, hoping for a meaty prophetic word - honestly, hoping that Holy Spirit would finally speak something to me with the word RELEASE in it - as I sat before two people I had never before met, this is a snippet of what Holy Spirit spoke through them: I see you as a worshipper, I see the core to your life is 'in My presence is fullness of joy', I see you in this season taking time away to be in the presence of God...I see Him giving you a sense of where you're going and the next step...I bless the worshiper in you. I see you dancing before the Lord, even when you are preparing food or going out, it is worship to God. I think of Mary who washed the feet of Jesus, she washed the feet of Jesus with her tears and wiped them with her hair, she took everything she had and worshipped Jesus. You want to give everything to Him, know that whatever you do, whatever you put your hand to, you're doing that.
Mostly I had been feeling ineffective, that I wasn't doing anything with purpose. Sometimes being called to the humble sowing of little seeds means the harvest isn't immediately discernible. The two kind people who took the time to search Father's heart for me didn't know anything about my season or my struggles or that I simply love to worship God. I have often prayed, oh Lord, use me in whatever way You have purposed, Your will not mine. And He is! And He is pleased with me, right where I am at, in every thing I am doing, no matter what it is. Some missions you get to do really exciting things and see mighty exploits of God first hand, in others, you get the green light to push through moment by moment as He forms His character fully in you, so that you are empowered to love as He loves and also trained to steward wisely the greater things that are surely coming. Joseph was convinced of who he was and the destiny that God had for him, no matter his circumstances. Father help us to be utterly convinced of Who you are and Your heart towards us, then we will truly know who we are and why we are alive in You for a time such as this. Amen.
* Genesis 30:22-24 ESV
**Genesis 30:25 ESV As soon as Rachel had borne Joseph, Jacob said to Laban, “Send me away, that I may go to my own home and country.
***Romans 8:29 ESV For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
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